Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump are back together, “Page Six” informs us today, after breaking up in April. THANK GOD. Imagine what those four long, lonely months must have been like! We know we did:
Jared: Playing solitary Ping-Pong in his lonely bachelor apartment, intermittently sniffing a bottle of Thierry Mugler “Angel” that Ivanka left there once, the Aerosmith song of the same name playing softly in the background.
Ivanka: Curled awkwardly on The Donald’s lap, while he gruffly strokes her back with his meaty paw.
Who knows what divine occurrence brought them back together? Maybe one of them was visited by God, or G-d as Ivanka’s calling him now, having decided, according to “Page Six,” that she would convert to Judaism if things “get serious.”
Or perhaps, while drifting alone in a world of stumpy brunettes, they each realized that they were ultimately too tall and too blonde and too wealthy to date anyone else in America and, if they didn’t date each other, they would have to turn to Europeans, and who wants to do that, nowadays, after the Stavros issues of 2004? Anyway, it doesn’t matter how or why they got back together. It just matters that they did and in doing so have made us whole again.
Back on Track [NYP]
Earlier: Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump Sunder Relationship, Our Hearts