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The Goot’s Guide to Loving Women

This is not, we hope, part of the Goot’s Guide to
Loving Women. It’s just an awesome paparazzi
shot from last month.Photo: Bauer-Griffin

We learned a lot of things about Steve Guttenberg today. In Spencer Morgan’s Observer profile of the Police Academy star, we found out that he just moved back to New York because he’s not “strong enough to live” in Los Angeles. We also learn that he’s trying to get out a message (“Be nice to the meek”), he loves vodka, and the other day the guy at the bodega gave him a newspaper for free. Good stuff! But the real takeaway is this: Steve Guttenberg is dating more women than you are. Like, a lot more. The 49-year-old has dated an estimated 600 women, he says, and counting. So what can you learn from this (heretofore secret) legendary Lothario?

Start looking early in the day: “I pop out of bed at 6:30. And I say my prayers, and every day have a little hot water and lemon, that’s my start,” Guttenberg told Morgan. “And I go take a run in Central Park.” He gets a date out of that routine, now and again.
Take smart women to nice places: “Nothing’s sexier than a smart woman,” he said after taking a Cornell grad to the Water Club. “The Goot is on the loose.”
Use third-person catch phrases: See above. This also seems to work for Barney Stinson.

Stay fit: “[My body] is my violin,” he told Morgan. “So I want to keep it tuned up.”
Advertise: The Goot is working on a book about his first ten years in Hollywood. Title: Diary of a Seducer.
Play the George Clooney card: “If I feel shitty, and someone says, ‘What are you working on,’ I’ll get really pissed off and go, ‘Yeah I’m doing a thriller with, you know, George Clooney,’” Guttenberg says. “I make myself feel better by that.”
If that fails, play the other George Clooney card: “A good gay rumor about me might not be a bad thing to start!” he said, while discussing his career. “You know, a lot of heavyweight actors are gay. And they do very well.”

If you do happen to end up dating 600 women using this routine, please make sure you use protection. Three Men and a Baby may have been a gas, but nobody thought it was so funny by the time it had become Three Men and a Little Lady, eh?

Look Out, Ladies: The Goot Is Loose! [NYO]
Related: Steve Guttenberg Is Very Angry

The Goot’s Guide to Loving Women