party lines

Sarah Silverman Would Love to Adopt a Chinese Baby


We were dying to ask about Sarah Silverman’s breakup with Jimmy Kimmel when we saw her backstage at Take Note 08, a benefit for MercyCorps at the Tuscan Villa in Water Mill. We’d make light of it, we decided as she approached, but what … how … and then she was in front of us. “So … are you fucking Matt Damon now?” we blurted. We knew immediately that it was the wrong thing to say. Thankfully, she understood. “That question is highly overrated in your mind,” she said, not unkindly. “I’m sorry. That was so long ago!” We mumbled an apology and then awkwardly persisted. Was she dating? “Nooooo! Come on — the body’s still warm!” Well, we shrugged, we had to ask … “Awwww,” she said comfortingly. “You have to try. And at least you’re pretty!” Aw! Sarah Silverman is so charitable. Really!

I see those CARE commercials on television with the starving children with the big bellies, and these are 1- and 2-year-old babies, nine months pregnant,” she later said to the audience. “It breaks my heart. I don’t give them money, though, because I don’t want them to spend it on drugs. But I give. Last year, I sent a whole box of DVDs. They sent me a letter thanking me. They said, ‘Thank you,’ and that there were enough DVDs for every member of the village to get one. And that they were delicious.”

And even though she’s not dating, Silverman is considering having kids. Or procuring them. “I don’t know the technical term, but I don’t want to have vagina babies,” she said. “Not for vanity reasons. I understand when people want to have a baby because they want to have a little version of themselves that they can kind of do it right this time or whatever. I don’t have that need, personally. And because I have evil in my genes. I would adopt, definitely something brown. Because otherwise you don’t get credit. Probably China. I’d adopt in China. If I adopted in China, I’d definitely adopt a boy, because somebody told me that the girls there were like, useless.” See? She really does love chinks!

Sarah Silverman Would Love to Adopt a Chinese Baby