A Cock and Bull Story

Aaron Schnore was wasted. But when he saw that mechanical bull at Johnny Utah’s, he knew he had to ride it. He was going to ride the shit out of that thing. He was going to show that mechanical bull who was boss. And he did, for a while. Until some freakin’ employee turned up the speed so that Schnore would get thrown off.


Schnore was P.O.-ed. He had really been enjoying his ride — the rush that came to him from owning that mechanical bull as he bucked and twisted like the Cowboy of Rockefeller Freaking Center. And he’d suffered, he later realized after the Jäger shots wore off, that in falling onto the soft cushiony landing material underneath the bull, the material that was expressly for the purpose of catching people who have been thrown off, he had suffered “a serious physical injury.” He didn’t want to tell anyone what it was. It was private, okay? But someone had to pay! Who? The employee who had turned up the speed and had him thrown off! No doubt because he was jealous. Schnore lawyered up.

Schnore’s lawyer, Lawrence Saftler, said his client appears to have been a victim of his own success.

Right! He was doing AWESOME until that happened. Also, he thought, turning it over in his brain, it was the bar’s fault, for “allowing and promoting an inebriated individual to use and ride the mechanical bull.” Yes. He would NOT BE HUMILIATED. And: the lawsuit might get him the cash needed to fund one of the horror/sci-fi films he’s failed at making for the past ten years.

Keep dreaming, dude.

Locking Horns
[NYP via Grub Street]

A Cock and Bull Story