Barack Obama Spurns Lindsay Lohan

Monica Lewinsky ogles the kielbasa at Veselka in a new graphic novel by Jonathan Ames and Dean Haspie. Valentino bought a $15,200 watch and had some diamond cuff links designed for himself at Jacob & Co. A pinup model says no way are rumors true that she sleeps with married Met José Reyes, even though she has the initials JR “affixed to her nipples” (how?) in a photo.

Meyer Lansky’s daughter will write a memoir. Sales of two sex toys, “The Liberator” and “The Silky,” are up because George Clooney owns them in Burn After Reading. Maura Tierney is so addicted to smoking she’ll dig through the trash for a butt or try to pee and smoke at the same time when she has only five minutes. Novelist Joyce Maynard, who had an affair with J.D. Salinger while a teen, adored her own enlarged breasts until one of them sprung a leak. A new pop-up book has Michael Jackson hanging his baby over a hotel railing.

Brad Pitt gave $10,000 to help defeat California’s November referendum against gay marriage. Anti–Sarah Palin scribe Lindsay Lohan was rebuffed by Team Obama when she wanted to help the campaign. Anne Hathaway’s devastating breakup with Raffaello Follieri could not keep her off People’s Best Dressed list, along with Michelle Obama and Rihanna.

Brad Garrett from Everybody Loves Raymond has a new dating reality show, but actually already has a secret girlfriend who was involved in the Pellicano case. Ed Asner, who is clearly “to the left even of Sean Penn and Barbra Streisand,” said, “Americans will eat any [bleep] you give them” at a 9/11 memorial event, which the Post says means that he’s a 9/11 conspiracy theorist. Meghan McCain wants to get a second tattoo after the election, she told the editor of her children’s book, My Dad, John McCain, which adorably illustrates the POW days. (Just kidding!) Undetectable, that’s what she is … yes, Natalie Cole is now free of hepatitis C! Mazel tov!

Barack Obama Spurns Lindsay Lohan