According to “Page Six,” which tends to be correct in all matters “Greasy Bear,” oil scion Brandon Davis has been totally scamming a bunch of his friends. According to the tabloid, Davis borrows money and doesn’t repay it, he cribs other people’s credit-card numbers, he bullies pals into paying hotel bills, and he even steals artwork. Which, when you think about it, is hugely criminal but these friends of his seem only mildly pissed — like, “call ‘Page Six’” pissed, but not quite “call the NYPD” pissed. Man, our friends are so frickin’ lucky they’re poor.
Since Davis has been squatting in New York lately, you should be on the lookout. Especially since Brandon Davis has come up with a foolproof defense for when he’s confronted by irate victims of his scams: He cries. “Brandon is dangerous and out of control. We’re worried about him,” said one of his “friends.” “People threaten to sue him but don’t because he starts crying and gets them to feel bad for him.”
Um … wait. That strategy works for pretty girls, but look at the guy! If he started crying in front of you, wouldn’t you just want to punch him? And then wash your hands? And then call the police? And then keep washing your hands for a while? We’ll never understand people.