Chunk Joins a Gang

James Lockhart before the Senate.

Allow us to preface this post by saying that the tragic results of gang warfare are not funny in any way. However, being made ridiculous should be the fate of anyone who chooses a life of senseless violence.

Okay, y’all, did anybody read the Post story today about the new gang in South Williamsburg? Fourteen suspects have been arrested after violent battles between the Dominican Trinitarios in the Marcy Projects in Bed-Stuy and a new gang based in Rodney Park under the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway. The up-and-shivving group is an offshoot of the Bloods, and it has the most amazing name of any New York City gang, ever: the Pretty Boy Goonies.

Yes. That’s right. The Goonies. We tried not to write about this with all of our teeny little nerdling hearts, but it just wasn’t possible.

The police crackdown came after a hike in the number of cops and narcs in the area and increased security-camera coverage. Clearly they’ve learned that chasing the perps through underground, booby-trap-laden tunnels was ineffective. The Fratellis apparently weren’t even called this time around, and Rosalita wasn’t around to save them from themselves in the end. When reached for comment, the spokesman for the PBG’s released this statement to reporters:

Here we are, hanging onto strains of greed and blues. Break the chain then we break down,” Jared “One-Eyed” Willy said. “Oh it’s not real if you don’t feel it, unspoken expectations — ideals you used to play with, they’ve finally taken shape for us.”

We promise we tried to stop, seriously. We just couldn’t.

’Boys’ Are Pretty Bad [NYP]

Chunk Joins a Gang