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‘Gossip Girl’ Moves Too Fast

Hey everyone! We’ve tallied up your reality points for this week’s episode of Gossip Girl. But before we get there, a word, if we may. Several people have complained that the commenter reality tallies are too repetitive and difficult to get through. As the ones who sort through all of this, we must agree. Let’s try and make this a little more restrained, shall we? Maybe a little less Jenny and a little more Bart Bass, if you know what we mean.

Now, a lot of you were angry this week. Angry that Josh Schwartz regurgitated Willa Holland from The O.C. to play Agnes the model, angry that Nate and Jenny came together so fast and so gross, and angry about some T.a.T.u. song that was really by the Smiths. Much of this was well founded, though those of you who were mad that Agnes was no taller than Jenny and therefore not model-worthy should know that Taylor Momsen is actually very tall in real life. Anyhoo, on to the Ultimate Tally!

Our totals were:

Real: 58
Fake: 45

When combined with your tally:

Real: 70
Fake: 88

Therefore, this week’s episode comes out just this side of fake. We KNEW we should have just admitted that dress was not that cute. After the jump, your best points:

Realer Than Everyone Pretending Not to Notice Jenny’s Awful Hair Because They Didn’t Know What to Say:

Plus 5 after Blair tells Serena she may jump off the building if Chuck doesn’t love her….”You wouldn’t want to end it in Brooklyn.” (So true!) —Chadsworld (Echoed by Groupie, Martell, JamieLeanne, PurpleAndGreen, ChristineKlayman, AndersSP, ImNotSlydexic, Mac6, and soforth)

• Plus a few million [We’ll say Plus 5] for Blair’s “Did you hear that judging tone?” in reference to Dan. I am glad the writers also know that everyone thinks Dan is a dick. —BlairBass (Echoed by EmmyLoser)

• Did anyone notice Chuck’s bulge as he approached Blair waiting for him on the car outside of school? Plus 2 if its real. —JKLOL and others. [No, we did not notice this.]

Faker Than the Physical Attraction Between Chace Crawford and Taylor Momsen:

Minus 10 for Jenny’s Jenny’s “horrible Hot Topic” dress ( realgrl) which “reaked wet seal meets french connection” ( whipsmart ) and generally “wasn’t THAT cute” (WriteFashionista)

Minus 2 for the same lacrosse player walking through the courtyard behind Serena and Dan multiple times at the beginning of the show. We already established it is soccer and not lacrosse season. —SusyP

• Blair coming to Dan for advice multiple times, even trekking to Brooklyn twice in one day? No. Minus 7.Martell (Echoed by BessyBee17, Bell010)

Minus 3 for Blair’s Clark Kent-like outfit change between getting in the car with Chuck outside of school and having a drink at the bar. What did she do? Stop in a telephone booth and whip out a cocktail dress? —AssuttoNo1 (Echoed by ChuckLove, LolitaHazed, BoxOfPandora)

Minus 5 for the lack of cocaine in this episode. Behind every good photodocumented model/underage aspiring socialite photoshoot lies some blow. —TheCheese (Echoed by SkyEyes17)

• How old is Aaron supposed to be anyway if he went to RISD and knew Serena from summer camp? Did they get “married” when she was 6 and he was 11? Minus 5. —Jourgy (Echoed by EmmyLoser, XXRisaXX, SKL283, etc.)

Minus 2 for the writers bothering to set up an elaborate conceptual art piece with the ability to amplify random pieces of conversation so that everyone in the room can suddenly hear what is being said AND THEN NOT USE IT IN THE PLOT IN ANY WAY. (Janeisthemost)

• How did Nate figure out where Jenny’s hipster friends lived? Minus 3, because God doesn’t make up for poverty with intelligence. — DanicaHill and others.

Minus 3 for Nate pulling the “That was a bad scene!” speech on Jenny. We all know Nate has no sense for bad scenes. Was he not the guy sleeping with a 35 year old woman who was sleeping with her son? —nellygrl [Also, remember the gambling in Queens]

Minus 3 for Gossip Girl depriving us of seeing Nate in a towel. PAN DOWN GOSSIP GIRL! PAN DOWN. —NineDaves

‘Gossip Girl’ Moves Too Fast