Neither Anti-Scientologists Nor Ben Brantley Exactly Boo Katie Holmes

Mixing sports and politics has always been awkward. Almost as awkward as this handshake between Brady Quinn and Sarah Palin.

Okay, let’s get this straight: It doesn’t sound like the anti-Scientology group Anonymous exactly booed Katie Holmes last night outside opening night of All My Sons, but they did yell, “Katie, what has Scientology cost you?” and many also wore masks of the sixteenth-century English revolutionary Guy Fawkes. Can someone explain that, please? Also, John Lithgow had to yell out “No photos” during the All My Sons curtain because everyone was snapping pics of Katie, whom Ben Brantley said “italicizes every word” in the play, but that sounds more like a director’s choice than her own bad acting.

Michelle Obama ordered lobster apps, two whole steamed lobsters, Iranian caviar, and Champagne at the Waldorf Wednesday afternoon when she was there with O for a meeting. Colin Farrell, John Voight and some SNL cast members heard the Bogmen play at Bar Nine in Hell’s Kitchen. Colin Farrell also loves the feel of a gun in his hand. Fabolous and Young Jeezy left Guest House early when a waitress told them smoking joints there was forbidden. Peter Cook’s ex–teenage mistress Diana Bianchi was devastated to learn yesterday that Cook secretly taped them having sex and her doing a striptease.

Madonna opened her song “Miles Away,” which she’s said is about her kaput marriage, by saying it’s about “the emotionally retarded,” and that, ahem, she knows some people like that. Deceased party promoter Baird Jones’s most recent will was discovered, and leaves everything to artist Stephen D. Hooper. Michelle Williams, who’s kind of laid low since Heath’s death, stepped out for the premiere of her new movie but had many private moments with new guy Spike Jonze. Mark Wahlberg, Usher and Forest Whitaker are all really into being dads, Cindy Adams reports from GQ’s Gentlemen’s Ball, saying she really doesn’t care what charities it benefits.

Also about Madonna, she wouldn’t show up as a witness in her nineties stalker case because she didn’t want to give the stalker the satisfaction, says the guy who prosecuted the case, who seems bitter that Madonna never thanked him. Barry Williams says it’s true he hooked up with Maureen McCormick back when they played siblings Greg and Marcia Brady, and also he regrets that they didn’t end up together and is shocked to hear “that she traded her body for blow.” Depressed writer turned Yale law grad Elizabeth Wurtzel is now a first-year at the law firm helping Wachovia in its salvage sale to Wells Fargo. Drew Barrymore, 33, called herself a cougar to Liv Tyler, but Tyler, 31, said they were too young to be cougars, and that they were pumas, and Drew loved that.

Todd Oldham remembers in the eighties when Bruce Willis was a bartender at a club. Stevie Wonder’s reps say that none of his L.A. homes burned down after all. Miley Cyrus, who is 15, interacted with her 20-year-old model boyfriend in a way that suggested she wanted to have underage sex with him, and also caused such a commotion at the L.A. Fashion Week show he was walking in that hardly anybody noticed Heidi Klum. Denis Leary is the hate object of a former FDNYer with an autistic son, because Leary wrote that many kids with autism are just stupid, fat, or both. Britney Spears’s new Sheltini slip dress has a built-in strip in the crotch area called a “paparazzi protector.”

Neither Anti-Scientologists Nor Ben Brantley Exactly Boo Katie Holmes