Oh, Peter Cook. The Teen Sex Tape? Really?

Ummm, is that a pukka-shell necklace??

Peter Cook really did make a sex tape of him and his teenage assistant, and “Page Six” has lots of nasty details. Picky Prince hung out at the Eldridge after his advance men scoped it out, then brought his own D.J. to Butter. Cuddle-Guv Paterson told Lauren Bacall and Frank McCourt, “I am still amazed at how I became governor.” (But it’s awesome that you are, Cudds!) Curtis Sliwa got gas upstate in his red Guardian Angels jacket and beret. Sober Liza Minnelli’s in an outpatient program at the Caron Foundation. Madonna flack Liz Rosenberg lies about Madonna, including that she wasn’t getting a divorce or recently dining with A-Rod, the Post cackles. Blake Lively and Penn Badgley canceled their New York stuff and flew to L.A. after Lively’s dad was in a car accident. And he’s fine, but we hope Serena paid for Dan’s plane ticket.

Dennis Rodman left Bounce Uptown with half a bottle of Veuve and two glasses and didn’t pay for them. Gale Harold from Desperate Housewives hurt himself badly in a motorcycle accident, but is probably going to be okay. Born-again Baldwin brother Stephen says, relevantly, he’d beat Obama in a fight. Diane Lane, Tina Brown, Harry Evans, and Gossip Girl rocker-dad Matthew Settle all chitter-chatted after the W. premiere about whether Bush is evil or just dumb. Stevie Wonder’s L.A. home went up in flames in the wildfire and he lost everything, including memorabilia and music, someone says, which, if it’s true, sucks more than usual, because Stevie Wonder is a god-genius even if he doesn’t look so cute these days. Cosmopolitan disinvited Mr. Maine and Mr. West Virginia from its “Fifty Hottest Bachelors” party when it found out they’d both posed nude for cash. Boy George basically says, fine, don’t be monogamous, but don’t throw it in your main squeeze’s face. (Do you think that is what Jon Moss used to do to him in the eighties and he’s still not over it? Victims…)

Mayor Bloomberg went to L.A. to help Arnold Schwarzenegger push redistricting reform in California. Cindy Adams thinks it’s crazy that, in a future episode of Boston Legal, William Shatner fantasizes about having sex with a lamb, and Cindy also says that that other Cindy (Rodriguez) knows it’s over between her and A-Rod. Steven Soderbergh’s next movie will be about a high-priced Manhattan call girl and will star 20-year-old porn star Sasha Grey.

Oh, Peter Cook. The Teen Sex Tape? Really?