sex diaries

The Investment Analyst Still Getting Over the Ex From Three Years Ago

Once a week, Daily Intel takes a peek at what your friends and neighbors are doing behind doors left slightly ajar. Today, the Investment Analyst Still Getting Over the Ex From Three Years Ago: 26, Female, UES, Straight.

6:15 a.m.: Wake up to phone call from Chris. He’s a guy I met a few weeks ago — he’s in a band, hot, very laid back. Just like my ex. He’s drunk and still partying, wants to come over. I’d love to get a little action, but I need to get to work early.
6:20 a.m.: Showering and thinking about how I’ve been officially single for three years since getting my heart stomped on by live-in boyfriend. Currently occupying my nights with Gavin, an Irish finance type who I’ve loved/hooked up with/dated for six months. Problem: He lives with his girlfriend.
6:25 a.m.: Shower and shave … everything. I know I won’t have time to come home after work, and I’ll probably end up coming back with either Gavin or Chris.

9:15 a.m.: Have awkward solo run-in with co-worker in elevator. We sort of dated a few months ago, but then he got weird about it and just stopped talking to me. Such a shame, he had a huge dick.
1:15 p.m.: “Aqueous Transmission” by Incubus plays on my iPod. Feeling very horny and thinking about how I’d like to have sex with that playing in the background. Plot how to make it happen without it being too obvious.
3 a.m.: After a few drunken calls from Gavin, determine he is too wasted to hang out. Arrange to have Chris come over and pick up condoms. Feeling a little disappointed, Gavin is better in bed.
4:15 a.m.: Chris tells me how happy he is to have met me and we have a very open conversation about pasts. Deep stuff. Makes me strangely uncomfortable, as I can’t even fathom being totally vulnerable with someone after my ex.
7 a.m.: Finally get to having sex. It’s a little kinkier than usual, but nothing crazy. We do it doggy style, which I like, but I can only come if I am able to touch myself a bit … for some reason he won’t let me. WTF?
7:25 a.m.: Lying in bed unsatisfied while he’s fast asleep.
7:27 a.m.: Masturbate quietly.

11:30 a.m.: Wake up and have sex. I get off this time. Feeling much happier. We go out to get coffee and part ways. Glad to have the rest of the day to myself.
11:30 p.m.: Meet up with a girl, Kathy, I volunteer with. We go to a laid-back bar in the East Village to hear a D.J. I’m really into. Attempt to get some coke.
1 a.m.: Find out the drug dealer got pulled over. Bummed out.
1:30 a.m.: Go to a club in Soho, even though I REALLY don’t want to. Feeling drunk and lots of contempt for all of the obnoxious finance guys there. Decide to roll the dice and text Chris and Gavin.
1:45 a.m.: Am slightly weirded out when I realize Kathy may be hitting on me. She’s sitting next to me with her hand on my thigh and head on my shoulder. I don’t know her well and am not sure how to take it. Kathy is a pretty hot girl, but I’m pretty sure this is not an experiment I want to undertake.
4 a.m.: Go to bed drunk and sexually frustrated. I didn’t hear back from either Chris or Gavin.

11 a.m.: Wake up and see text from Gavin that says, “morning sunshine.” For some reason it makes me absurdly depressed. I respond, “I’m not your biggest fan right now.”
3 p.m.: After hours of pouting and feeling like crying, text Gavin, “okay, I’m over my angry hangover … we’re cool now.”
4 p.m.: Go to CVS to buy toothpaste and a normal box of condoms (instead of those annoying three-packs). Remember that I once hypothesized that whenever I buy condoms, I don’t get any for a really long time.
9 p.m.: Gavin replies, “Crazy.” I’m used to him saying that. He’s the one person I act completely myself around, but I get the impression he is amused by my insanity/anger issues. Decide to go to bed early as to avoid feeling depressed. I hate men.

8:15 a.m.: Work Gchat conversation with my friend in London. We have so much in common and he is a great guy, but I’m just not attracted to him. Spill my guts. We come to the same conclusion as usual. I need to leave New York and go to grad school.
11 a.m.: Avoid doing work for hours and invite friends to Chris’s show tomorrow night. There will be open bar, and most of my friends are alcoholics like me. This will work out well.
4 p.m.: Stalk Gavin’s girlfriend on MySpace. Since we aren’t “friends,” I can’t get a good look at her profile, but it makes my day when I see her mood says “sad” or “frustrated.” Now why does he call me crazy?
8 p.m.: Doing some position in yoga class where we lie on our back with our legs spread wide open. All of sudden I imagine that Gavin is there … get extremely horny.

7 a.m.: Decide to wear a super-hot red dress. I want to make sure I look good at Chris’s show.
8:15 p.m.: Leave my weekly volunteer commitment with Kathy and head to her apartment so she can change. We’re meeting her live-in friend/green-card-marriage husband at a restaurant in Soho.
9:30 p.m.: Totally hit it off with live-in friend/green-card-marriage husband and make plans to go running during the weekend. Hope I’m not stepping on Kathy’s toes.
10:30 p.m.: Get to Chris’s show. They’re great as usual, and I think he looks so hot onstage.
11:15 p.m.: Chris gets offstage and some blonde makes a beeline for him. As a brunette, I hate blondes and immediately become jealous.
12:15 a.m.: After some shadiness, Chris tells me he has to head out and isn’t feeling well. I’m furious and on the verge of tears but manage to keep it together. Decide that I’m done with him.
1:30 a.m.: Chris calls to apologize. Says the blonde was his ex and that he wasn’t expecting her to be there. I tell him it was very off-putting and I feel as though he only thinks of me as a booty call. He swears up and down that it’s not the case but that he can’t commit to a relationship. Decide that I am definitely done with him.

7 p.m.: After my company’s soccer game, we all head to a bar. A co-worker, Dean, that I interned with years ago (and hooked up with a few times) is hitting on me hard-core. Feeling confused but interested.
10 p.m.: After many shots and beers, we end up alone in a hallway of a bar and we make out. I resist, knowing it’s a terrible idea since my other co-worker that I’ve slept with is there. Dean subsequently says he wants to date me. WTF?
11 p.m.: Other co-worker catches wind that something is going on and tries to run interference. I tell him nothing will happen. He apologizes for being weird a few months earlier. Feeling drunk and annoyed, I walk away from him. I don’t need to hear this right now.
11:30 p.m.: Dean walks me home, and we make out outside my building. We make plans to go to the park on Saturday since the weather will be nice. He suggests I let him come inside. I know better … I go in alone.

9 a.m.: Work is surprisingly normal, though everyone is hung-over. No mentions of the night before.
11 a.m.: Gavin texts me suggesting that I apologize. Confused, I look at my old texts. Apparently I sent some pretty mean and nasty messages in my drunkenness. We argue back and forth and decide to talk in person later.
9 p.m.: Gavin has been at happy hour near Grand Central for a while and asks why I’m being emotional. I immediately start crying, and he tells me he’s coming over.
11 p.m.: After much crying and talking, I try to get him to tell me that he doesn’t want to be with me and that it’s the only way I’ll get over him. He tells me it’s not true and he can’t say it. He says that I’m his best friend and he only wants me to be happy, and if it means me being with someone else, so be it. It breaks my heart. We’ve resolved nothing as usual, and I know we’ll be sleeping together again within two weeks.
11:30 p.m.: Remember my hypothesis about buying condoms. It’s
totally true.

TOTALS: Two acts of intercourse, one with orgasm; one act of masturbation with partner in bed; one makeout session with co-worker in front of other co-workers; one not-resolving-anything conversation with sex-partner-with-a-girlfriend.

The Investment Analyst Still Getting Over the Ex From Three Years Ago