As usual, many of you heard and saw things in the last episode of Gossip Girl that our cataract-glazed, old eyes and ancient ears did not, like the multiple references to the Greatest Show of Another Time, Beverly Hills, 90210, and the Greatest Movie of the Time Just After That But Before This Time, Cruel Intentions, and that it was actually an “icy beverage” thrown at Chuck in front of the Brooklyn Inn. So points all around on that! Special brownie points, also, to all those of you who read and remarked upon Chris’s “Look, it was only a short time ago that I was in college!” story he linked to in the Yale Daily News. (Except you, Atekusori, who totally busted him.) And Daily Intel would like to award top Honors in Commenting to comfortablysmug this week, for his awesomely florid essay In Defense of Chuck Bass, from which we took our headline. To this, you must all now aspire.
Our tally left our heroes with:
38 Realistic Points
30 Fake-Seeming Points
With your points added, the end result was:
93 Realistic Points
74 Fake-Seeming Points
More Realistic Than Vanessa’s Last-Season H&M
• An additional Plus 10 to Chuck and his writers for his line “If you thought that was long, you have no idea what you’re in for.” It’s true. Only an overconfident teenage boy would say that like it was a good thing. — eklyons and others.
• Plus 2 for Chuck either buying Blair a dress to match his burgundy blazer, or buying a blazer to match the dress he bought her. — flootiemoe
• Minus 2 for the cheesiness of Nate’s welcome into the Humphrey home (Jenny’s “I’ll get the ice cream”) but Plus 5 for the adorably sheepish look on Nate’s face when Rufus tells him to make himself at home. (This evens into a Plus 3) — holdthatnonthought
• Plus 5 for the writers acknowledging Chuck’s wardrobe. — WriteFashionista and others.
• Plus 3 for Dan’s awkward phone call to Nate. Jenny was kind enough to point out that he has no guy friends; it makes sense that he’d have no idea how to talk to guy friends. — PurpleAnd Green
• Plus 2 Blair’s zingers to Vanessa: “Shouldn’t you be at Whole Foods?” and “Charity is for diseases and endangered species, not for real estate, at least not in New York.” — theMEinmedia
• Plus 5 Dan letting Nate buy him a drink in Central Park. Dude — the guy’s poor and you’re trying to save him! . — STM_SML [Ed note: STM had this as a minus, but we changed it to plus, because even though it is bad behavior, it is also totally Dan.]
• Plus 10 for Eric’s comment about Sarkozy taking them to EuroDisney, because Sarkozy LOVES EuroDisney and always takes his girlfriends’ children there. — mef343 and others.
• Plus 2 for Serena making a big deal of totally being down with Eric’s gayness. She would. — MrsChuckBass
• Plus 5 “I did enjoy our brief conversion to Islam.” Because even though it’s not realistic (as Michele22 pointed out, CeCe would totally disinherit” her) it’s a great line. — leothegreat
• Plus 2 for Dan and Serena’s heart to heart because as my roommate put it perfectly “all roads lead back to Humphrey.” — NYMAGRIN
• Plus 2 for Vanessa purse being from H&M. And not new. Or, at least it should offset the point taken off for the necklace. She probably splurges on necklaces that kind of make her neck look like it has a lot of ugly growths and saves on H&M purses. — anabanana83
• Plus 2 for Chuck’s whisper-purr when he talks. The devil knows he doesn’t have to yell to be heard. — MagnoliaCake22
• Plus 2 for S. finally acting like a regular teenager and throwing temper tantrums over curfews and rules. — writeopinions
Faker Than Dan Magically Unlocking Chuck’s Door
• Minus 2 for Serena telling Bart she was wearing no underwear. In spite of her angst, no teenage girl would ever be inclined to share with her father, much less a stepfather, such information. — stuckinmidtown and others.
• Nate could play lacrosse AND soccer - lacrosse is a spring sport in most highschools. — DoratheExplora
• Minus five for Chuck wanting Blair to say “I love you” right before they are about to bang. Come on! He’s been trying to tap that since the summer! I know he’s the master of manipulation, but no way would any teenaged guy let that opportunity pass by because of those “three little words, eight letters.” — 5459 and others.
• Bromance is tired. Per Brocabulary, they should’ve accused Chuck and Nate of being “Guyamese twins.” Minus 2 — Brocabulary author and Grub Street editor Dan Maurer
• Minus 3 for the Gossip Girl locations department. Have you noticed that all of their locations are within a 10 block radius of Silvercup? Like the time Nate “ran into” Vanessa on some random corner in Brooklyn. 1. That was a taxi-repair shop. 2. It’s in Queens. In this week’s episode, while the “Brooklyn Inn” is the real exterior, the interior of the bar is The LIC Bar (on Vernon Blvd.), WHICH is just a few blocks away from Communitea, the coffee shop that became immortalized with Vanessa and Nate’s burgeoning relationship. —maddyeak
• Minus 10 for the ridiculously strained plot that brought Chuck to the bar: Vanessa blackmails Blair for simply signatures (?!). And Blair takes her seriously? To whom would Vanessa even show the picture? — alexandraplan
• Minus 4 For the cheesy family bonding over cake. Lily was not even pissed at Serena? If this was a real family there would have at least been the silent treatment for 24 hours. Also, Serena would not eat cake. And neither would Lily. Let’s be honest. — kftraveler
• Minus 10 for Serena raising Eric. Did I really hear that right? I’m pretty sure she was a wild child in the past. The type that sleeps with her best friend’s boyfriend and then directly after almost makes a sex tape, but is saved by an overdose. Yeah. Now I know why Eric tried to kill himself…— CallMe
• Minus 1 for Lily’s hair at the party. She could get to John Barrett for her Jetsons updo but not for her roots? —istillloveheadbands
• Minus 5 for Blair’s closet being full of cheap shoes. Upper East Siders do not wear MIAs. — princess_peach
• Minus 2 for Serena staying in on a Friday night to “read” because really? She was so pissed that morning, but now, oh she’s going to be the perfect rule following teenager. — Trock