Like we weren’t already worried enough, what with our 401(k)s melting away and, hey, wow, are our elected officials actually smart enough to perform the functions of their jobs? Now CNN has this insane story up about how we’re worrying too much. “In 20 years, I’ve never seen it this bad,” Nancy Molitor, a psychologist, tells the network’s Website, as if sound bites like that were not a huge part of the reason people are worried. Or maybe we’re not worrying enough? Another expert weighs in: “Consumers have every reason to be afraid because we’re going into the largest shopping season of the year,” Gail Cunningham, the spokeswoman for the National Foundation for Credit Counseling. Oh right! Christmas! We forgot about Christmas because it’s only just turned October but thanks for reminding us, Gail! Then Nancy adds that we should all take care that our anxiety doesn’t spill over and cause us to partake in “bad behaviors” such as “drinking and overeating,” which of course makes us think, fuck you, Nancy, drinking and overeating are all we have left. And then a financial coach called Glinda chimes in and suggests that if you are really worried about being poor, you should take some money you don’t have and hire a financial coach to help you decide what is necessity and what is luxury. A financial coach such as Glinda, we suppose. Which is insane. Honestly, reading this article is like being bullied by demons. But the reason we’re telling you about it is that, in the end, it is actually kind of soothing. Because you realize that as long as the economy can continue to support people with weird nothing jobs that consist of profiteering off anxiety, everything is going to be fine.
