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New ‘Sopranos’ Cologne to Raise All Sorts of Problems for Jersey Shore Mayors

Tony Sirico. That suit looks like it’s wool, but it smells like it’s polyester.

Just as young, tanned, tastefully gelled guys with gold chains and tank tops are making great strides in cross-cultural understanding, one of their elder role models is setting up another obstacle for them. Tony Sirico, who played goombah Pauly Walnuts on the Sopranos, is releasing a distinctive cologne to appeal to these guys. Now, because of “Paulo Per Uomo,” guido-hating Jersey-shore mayors are going to be able to smell them coming. The cologne has hints of cognac, musk, and, according to Sirico, “magic.”

As guido defenders, we don’t feel comfortable critiquing this cologne. Fortunately, the New York Post, as the official paper of goombahs everywhere, felt authorized to do so.

They reviewed the cologne and surveyed some ladies about what they thought. It was a full-force shredding. Here are some highlights:

• “‘Paolo Per Uomo’ smells like every lasagna-loving, spaghetti-slurping mob-boss wannabe or cheap imitation consigliere.”
• “Like the end of The Sopranos, it stinks.”
• “It reminds me of a hard night,” 22-year-old actor Kristin Stewart said.
• “At first whiff, we were sipping wine with Tony and Big Pussy at the Bada Bing. A few more whiffs — and we sensed top notes of cigar ash and polyester jumpsuits with hints of stripper sweat and a cream-filled cannoli.”
• “It works best when coupled with a bad dye job and at least three chunky faux gold chains.”

And our absolute favorite:

• “Aqua Di Gio it ain’t.”

Get a whiff of new cologne, Paolo, by ‘Sopranos’ star Tony Sirico [NYDN]
Earlier: Guidos and Guidettes of Staten Island Fight Back Against Mayor of Belmar, New Jersey

New ‘Sopranos’ Cologne to Raise All Sorts of Problems for Jersey Shore Mayors