Taylor Momsen Doesn’t Tipple

Larry Gagosian, Michael Stipe, John Waters, Jane Holzer, Vito Schnabel, and others all went to a party for Aussie designer Mark Newson in a Tribeca townhouse that used to be the eighties club Area. Bernie Madoff has “just so devastated the upscale Jewish psyche” that the author of a book about Palm Beach who was going to speak at the Harmonie Club, an exclusive Jewish group, said he was told not to mention B-Mad’s name there — but then was disinvited anyway. Rupert Everett rehearsed his lines for the upcoming revival of Blithe Spirit right out loud at Tea & Sympathy in the West Village along with the place’s owner. That would’ve been really fun to be there for, right? Taylor Momsen kept telling people at an UES party that she wasn’t drinking because she was on heavy Percocet after having her wisdom teeth removed. Former Times writer Neil Strauss, who backed out of writing Britney’s memoir only, ironically, to end up writing a how-to on avoiding disasters, says the best way to escape Manhattan in an emergency would be via the rivers on an inflatable dinghy.

Cindy Adams tells us that 10 Downing Street (in the Village, not where the British prime minister lives, duh!) is the new restaurant to be at. And Cin says that Michael Imperioli is in a rock band called La Dolce Vita; that Pam Anderson’s new boyfriend is professional scuba guy Jamie Padgett; that Nicole Kidman feels lucky she passed 40 without a breakdown; and that Bill Clinton gave Sarah Palin a sympathy call over all the cracks at her in the press, and Sarah didn’t initially believe it was really Bill! Hmmm, what might’ve caused that paranoia? Meanwhile, Liz first gushes about her old crush on Ben Gazzara, then goes to a play reading at the Players Club she says she got Ben Brantley to go to. That dame has clout.

In Brazil, Tom Cruise tried to talk to local reporters in Spanish, not Portuguese, which is what they speak; said he fell in love with the country watching movies about tango, which is from Argentina; and visited a plastic surgeon who has a private island. Rod Stewart’s son Sean will have his own reality-TV show on VH1 or MTV where he tries to start his own fashion line. Usher’s wife, Tameka Foster, wasn’t happy she was told to stay home in Atlanta with the kids while Ush records his new album in Vegas with Pharrell Williams and Jermaine Dupri. Carla Bruni’s family castle near Turin, Italy, just sold to an Arab sheikh for $9 million. Demi told Ashton that she “didn’t give a [bleep]” if he looked at a Hard Rock Girls calendar while they were at the Hard Rock Hotel in Tampa. That shows she’s secure in herself.

Paris Hilton was being pursued by movie-studio guy David Maisel until “he realized she was persona non grata in Hollywood society.” Etta James has publicly gone off on Beyoncé, but she also went off on Obama too, mocking his big ears, so maybe the legend is just daft. Christina Milian is not dating the Game, she is working with him on a new record. Steve Martin says old age is slowing him down. Giorgio Armani is depicted as Pinocchio in a funny-creepy ad that PETA put out because he said he would stop using fur but didn’t. Joaquin Phoenix said his intention in becoming a rapper was certainly not to have people make fun of him. Jessica Simpson’s latest movie has sadly gone straight to DVD.

Taylor Momsen Doesn’t Tipple