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We Worry About the Type of Person Gossip Girl Is Growing Up to Be

It’s time for our weekly comment roundup, in which we sift through the hundreds of comments left on last week’s recap of Gossip Girl and single out the best ones. This week, the person doing the judging is Commenter Bambii. Behold her labors after the jump.

Blasphemers, hold thy tongues, and for the love of Gossip Girl, stop the OC comparisons! Although many commenters complained that this was the Worst Episode Ever and worried the shark had been jumped, I’d like to think that the writers, like the contestants on a certain weight-loss show who gain two pounds one week so they can lose twenty the next, are saving up their awesomeness for a super Gossipgasm. While everyone was annoyed that the writers didn’t know the difference between slander and libel (slander’s when you say it, libel’s when you write it, like on the internet), it made sense that Blair would neither know nor care that Cornhuskers come from Nebraska, not Iowa. The ridiculous Eyes Wide Shut plotline tried our patience, and many questioned how Blair contacted Dorota without a cell phone (although she obviously has panic buttons on the inside of her headbands). Meanwhile, Nate and Vanessa were annoyingly pointless, Eric was missed, and Cyrus obviously would have helped Blair devise a more devious plan were he not MIA. But if GG has taught us anything, it’s that when the time is right, the troops will be rallied.

And now, the commenting awards go to…

Realer Than Parents Who Are Disappointed by the Way the Children They Basically Have Abandoned Turn Out:

• Also Plus 5 for Blair’s dad having no idea that his baby girl had grown up to be a conniving bitch (and I love her for it) since he was busy having an affair, coming out of the closet, and running off to France in the time it took for her to go from daddy’s little girl to evil genius. – IWANTTOBEBLAIRWHENIGROWUP

Plus 300 for “This. Is. CONSTANCE!” – Scotsman

Plus 5 for what might have been Serena’s best line ever, when Rachel asks her what Gossip Girl is: “It’s a website where a girl posts gossip.” Brilliant. – EmmyLoser

• “Coach Carr, step away from the underage girls.” – Mean Girls…I see what you did there, Gossip Girl writers. – FogInPrague

• Did anyone else notice that Serena (and her coat with ‘wings’) dwarfed Rachel in the best way ever? This teacher looks like Serena’s kid sister, Skipper. – Breenah

Plus 1 for Chuck “You drugged me?” and being impressed. Anyone else would be horrified, he is flattered. – Moose13

Plus 4 for Rachel telling Serena that the reason for Dan feeling so confident about his writing is that he’s been told all his life that he’s wonderful at it… not, you’ll notice, that his writing is truly amazing. – PurpleAndGreen

Plus 10 For Rufus finally being the parent to say, “Hey, even if she didn’t sleep with my son, she still does inappropriate things like have candlelit dinners with him, and cry on his shoulder.” But then Minus 10, because…it’s Rufus, and he’s not supposed to make sense. – OneTwoTtreeForest

• Also, despite her strange jackets, I was please to not see Serena’s two favorite friends in this episode. No points, just some personal relief. – Ashure

Plus 5 for “Elle” being a nanny. At least Chuck’s got a type… - Blair3138

Faker Than Chuck Not Immediately Opening a Glittery Black Box of Secrets:

Minus 5 for getting my hopes up that Blair was going off the radar and black ops, when really all she did was send in a tip to GG and use a picture that Serena took. I’m not mad, just disappointed. – RGH

Minus 4 for Dan saying it took him 10 years to understand the difference between local and express. I would like to believe that most people understand it once they accidentally go on an express and see their stop zoom past them. – Jourgy

Minus 10 for the invite that was meant for Bart but was delivered to Chuck. It was HANDWRITTEN and I am sure hand delivered to the house. Someone had to think about it while they were writing in. BIG BIG oversight that someone forgot that the biggest person in NYC real estate died a month ago. –Brumsky20

• Nanny’s employer not disgruntled that random guy is calling him looking for nanny – she’s the help. – Mitzi30

• No punishment headband for B? Minus 5 because that’s just wrong! – Tinkgirbell

Minus 6 for Serena not walking in on Carrphrey, because you know you could have seen that coming – dvrx11

Minus 5 that the Headmistress conceded to Rachel’s cellphone ban suggestion. What was she thinking? That in a prep school of over-privileged kids, this rule could actually work? – Tiger_Lily

We Worry About the Type of Person Gossip Girl Is Growing Up to Be