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Gossip Girl Brings Us Back Home

The commenters on our Gossip Girl recap are so observant, we’re surprised the CIA isn’t up in there recruiting. Today, Commenter Emeritus Comfortably Smug rounds up the wittiest and most observant ones from this week’s reality index after the jump.

After a tumultuous and bitter winter of despair, Gossip Girl delivered what we needed — a return home to something simpler and more familiar. The confusion and tumult of the previous weeks seemed to subside as we witnessed more wrapping up of plotlines than opening of new ones. Nate came to terms with his pedigree, Serena with the fact that her sluttiness might be genetic, and Blair with the knowledge that while being wild can be fun, deep down she needs to know everything is under control (hers). After the jump, our favorite comments of the week.

Realer Than a Girl Having to Lie About the Number to Her Overly Sensitive Sentimental Boyfriend

• the Vanderbilt house was the same one they used in Cruel Intentions…that was interesting…—Soma

• +5 for Jenny’s “you totally belong together” to V about her and Nate. No, they don’t, and Jenny knows that, but any high school girl would have said the same thing (while secretly wanting to kill V, which was also pretty apparent).—Wonkette Lover

• I knew Chuck wasn’t going from zero to hero in one episode. The douchebag commentary, drinking alone and sulking, once again denying Blair the chance to get off, buying expensive presents like his dad… +5 for character consistency.—Magnolia Cake22

• +5 for Jenny opening the pizza box, looking at it longingly and then closing it without taking a slice. She is 15 so of course she has body issues, she really will be the new Blair next season. —Amber Sky

• +5 for Vanessa being typical Vanessa and pretending that she’s angry at Nate for being his grandfather’s puppet, when clearly she’s just pissed that he no longer wants to go to Europe with her. (By the way, I think the Europe trip kind of makes sense. Vanessa does work, and she hardly ever seems to buy anything, so I can totally see her saving all her pennies for this low-end Baltic/Soviet exploration of the human condition and general crunchiness.) —EmmyLoser

• After Serena slaps Dan, he says: “It’s nice to know you’re into hitting people.” +5 because Rachel probably got him into some light S & M. —Nyhater

• When Blair and Nate got home she totally went into her bathroom, ran the water, and threw up, while Nate sat on her bed and thought about ponies. +2 —Twinsfindme

• +100 for Rufus using the Bro Codes formula of how many people to tell your girlfriend you slept with:

N=[(a/10+s)^0] + 5

N is the safe number

a is the bro’s age

s is the chick’s slut factor


• It is a Van Gogh painting- Road with Cypress and Star (1890), one of Van Gogh’s last paintings before he shot himself. This one represents turbulence and chaos. It is known to have a “balanced focus.” In the painting are 2 oblivious people that don’t notice the star and the moon as they are walking with their backs to it. Kinda like the push/pull of Chuck and Blair. Nicely place painting, GG staffers. +20 —Jpisani

• +5 for Blair forgetting that Nate doesn’t love her. Because teenage girls, or anyone for that matter, will always take back their first love just because, and forget that the person never loved them to begin with. —Suenue

• “Maybe I should go up to the roof to make things more dramatic?” Oh snap! I’m glad Blair finally verbalized the inanity of Chuck’s theatrical moment of self-pity. Plus 10. —Deikad3

Faker Than a Yale Hopeful Having Sarah Lawrence As a Backup School

• It was REPP tie, not RED that Jenny offered to order from bluefly. As in a tie with diagonal stripes, the stereotypical WASP tie. Why would Dan need a red tie to go to this party? Of course Dan already owns the Brooks Brothers #1 tie, the WASPiest tie in America, since he wears it to school EVERY DAY. —Dorotaisgossipgirl

• I disagree. I think Dorota lied because knew that Chuck seeing Blair with Nate would kill him, because we ALL KNOW Dorota is Team Chuck. —Cbassulove

• Would Lily really talk with her mouth full like that? Even if she is ‘slumming it’ with someone from Brooklyn? Minus 5 RGH

• Didn’t Lily supposedly bang Sarkozy? -5 —Icecastles

• This has nothing to do with anything, but why did GG abandon that signature scarf that Chuck used to wear every day? I feel like that was a Chuck Bass staple. It disappeared just like all of the good plotlines and allure from Season 1. —Little J

• Dear Serena, Everytime you hint at a major scandal, it is SO stupid. What did Carter do in Santorini that is so bad? Snort feta with you? Possible -10 for a history of lame scandals. No wonder the girls named are B and S. —Blairedith

Gossip Girl Brings Us Back Home