Scene: The Daily Intel cubicle. Phone rings. Daily Intel puts down Cup Noodles, answers wearily …
John Paulson: Hi, Daily Intel, it’s John Paulson.
Daily Intel: Heyyyy Paul-my-son! Whatchya doing?
John Paulson: Well. As you might have heard, my firm made $428 million short-selling Lloyd’s and Heritage Financial Group. Since you are my One Cool Friend — or at least, I think you are cool since I only know finance people — I was wondering if you’d like to celebrate with me.
Daily Intel: Well, gee, John, that’s really flattering, but isn’t it kind of awkward to celebrate that? Lloyd’s had to surrender itself to the government last week after its share price went down to 0.43 pence, driving down U.K. financial stocks in the process, and by extension, the pound sterling, which is now at its lowest level in 24 years. They’re going to have to cut jobs and close branches of the bank, which will put lots of British people out of work at the same time, ironically, that they’re on the hook for supporting Lloyd’s!
John Paulson: I was thinking we could have dinner at Masa, followed by a spa treatment. And instead of talking about math and stuff, which I am sick of, you could fill me in on the latest Gossip Girl news, since I’ve missed the last few episodes. Are Serena and Dan together or broken up now?
Daily Intel: Okay.
John Paulson: Great. I’ll pick you up at 8? I’ll bring you a few outfits from Prada, since I know you are probably just wearing those same jeans you always wear.
Daily Intel: You know me so well.