Every once in a while, the New York Times will write a story that is really a blog post. (Well, not every once in a while — every time Maureen Dowd writes a column, really.) They’ll take a funny, quirky idea or question, and then analyze the heck out of it. Sometimes it takes the fun out of the story, but other times it works. Today’s article about what is going on in the new First Puppy’s mind is a good example of the latter. Writer Douglas Quenqua talked to a bunch of dog experts to find out whether BObama realizes he is “special.” “Dogs don’t know fame,” argues Dr. Stanley Coren, a psychology professor who wrote a book called What Do Dogs Know?. “They know about comfort, and they know how much they can demand and get away with.” But, if the First Family pampers him, he said, “he might think he has groupies.” Owners of dogs who have won the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show disagree, though. “Oh, they know they’re famous, and they definitely get an attitude,” said Cecilia Ruggles, who owns J.R. who won in 2001. J.R., for example, knows what to do at the start of a press conference. “He waves his paws — it’s his signature,” Ruggles told the Times. “It’s not something we taught him to do, it’s just something he does.”
So, great job, Times. But here’s how we would have written a post about what’s going on in BObama’s head:
Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Look at this big house! And the huge lawn! Yay! Yay! I am going to destroy every single piece of furniture in here! Especially that big bed that smells like mothballs and dead people! Yay! OMG, look at my new family! It has the cutest little human puppies! I can’t wait to pull them around on their leash all day long! Look how much fun they’re having chasing me! Ooh, these floors are slippery. Whee! Oh, good, I escaped everyone for a minute. Yay! This round, yellow room with the old wooden desk looks like a great place to POOP. I’ll do it behind this couch so no one sees it for a while. If I get in trouble I’ll blame it on that guy with the white plastic fur and shiny fangs. He doesn’t look like he’s housebroken. OH, look! A garden with roses! I’m going to go digging! Hooray! Here come the human puppies, maybe they can help! We’re going to be best friends! Until they start fighting over who I like better. Yay!
We don’t know why the Times didn’t just do this version. It’s much more insightful.