Gwyneth to Blame for a Skinny Scarlett?

Though Seth Rogen has been famously slimmed down of late, he still managed to pack away a few filets mignons, porterhouses, and beers with James Franco, Seth Meyers, and Edward Norton at this week’s Saturday Night Live after-party. While following a liquid diet, Angelina Jolie collapsed on the set of Salt. Will someone please give the woman a porterhouse? And regarding Scarlett Johansson’s disappearing curves, sources say Iron Man 2 co-star Gwyneth Paltrow made her do it (you remember, she’s the one who accidentally hallucinated from undereating last year). Speaking of shapeliness, Beyoncé’s not looking as fierce as usual these days. For her next gig, she’ll star as the voice of Shine, the lead singer of the Wubb Girls in Nickelodeon’s kids’ series, Wow! Wow! Wubbzy!

Zach Braff kept his 34th birthday fairly low-key, blowing out the candles on his Webster-themed cake with Donald Falson, Emmanuelle Chriqui, and Kevin Spacey. Andy Roddick worked out in head-to-toe Lacoste (visor included) at Union Square’s Equinox. Eliot Spitzer was jogging solo in Central Park, sporting an “Adirondack” T-shirt. While his pals downed shots at Rose Bar, Mos Def stuck to cranberry juice and ginger ale. Alec Baldwin’s going green and driving a Prius, but he’d rather have a Mercedes S500. J.Lo caught The Little Mermaid on Broadway with her family. Nicole Kidman, with Keith Urban nearby, celebrated Sunday’s Academy of Country Music Awards in Vegas by showing off pictures of her baby daughter on her iPhone.

In a tragic turn of events for skinny cokeheads everywhere, the Beatrice Inn was shut down. Lauren Conrad says she’s happy to be done filming The Hills, while frenemy Heidi Montag isn’t too sad to see her go, sniping, “We don’t need her.” Meanwhile, MTV is denying reports that they staged Conrad’s reactions to imagined situations in a rush to get footage before her contract expired.

Cher made her fans cry at Liv nightclub in Miami just by showing up. Mickey Rourke knocked out Chris Jericho at WrestleMania XXV in Houston, then hung out at the after-party with Kid Rock and left with a hot blonde. Due to rent hikes, Bill Boggs is moving out of the Central Park South apartment where over the years he’s entertained Andy Warhol, Miles Davis, Frank Zappa, and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Over $30 million in cash and $500 million in real estate has been looted from Kurt Cobain’s estate, some of which the Nirvana front man had left for Courtney Love and their daughter. Ms. Love, always on the ball, “noticed the money was gone when there wasn’t any left.”

Gwyneth to Blame for a Skinny Scarlett?