Lindsay Lohan Is No Longer a Thespian

Lindsay Lohan’s lesbianism seems to have gone the way of her thespianism. While the partying starlet can’t land an acting job because of the “high cost of insuring her” (surely it has nothing to do with her stellar dramatic talent), she’s drowning her post-Ronson-breakup sorrows in “a different man every night,” including 90210 “star” Kellan Lutz and British paparazzo Chris Jepson. Mariah Carey landed the “least green” celeb spot, according to a new Earth Day poll, based on the fact that she flew her personal trainer in from St. Barts. Greenest stars include Bono, Leonardo DiCaprio, Brad Pitt, Oprah, and Prince Charles.

Akon left his server a 40 percent tip at Tao in midtown after dining with a crew of 25, including Michael Jordan. Jon Bon Jovi snacked on shrimp quesadillas at Dos Caminos Soho. Jason Bateman and his wife schlepped their 2-year-old around Whole Foods on the Bowery while looking for an open table. David Schwimmer and his hot date were mid-canoodle at Bar Centrale when Matthew Perry walked in and man-hugged him. Overheard at Bar Pitti: Beer heiress Daphne Guinness isn’t terribly wild about André Balazs. She has her eye on Bernard-Henri Levy.

Lily Allen smoked a pack of Marlboro menthols and downed a bottle of wine onstage during her tour finale at the Roseland Ballroom, then asked the audience, “Do you like my wine belly?” First there was Milk & Honey maven Sasha Petraske’s plan to open his next bar in Long Island City, and now Tenjune owners Mark Birnbaum and Eugene Remm are launching the Chandelier Room in the W Hoboken tomorrow night. But something tells us Jersey’s not the new Brooklyn.

It’s springtime for Hitler, and Mel Brooks says he wants to sport a “US Army helmet and brandishing rifle” to the Berlin premiere of The Producers. Ron Howard is in a tiff with the Catholic League over allegations made against the Vatican in his upcoming movie Angels & Demons, starring Tom Hanks. Mike Tyson’s gone from ear-biter to family man and movie star. He watched the premiere of James Toback’s documentary, Tyson, with his kids, as well as Christopher Walken, Nas, and Ice-T. Christian Bale and Mark Wahlberg are slated to star in The Fighter, about Boston’s lightweight champ “Irish” Mickey Ward. Playboy-sponsored race-car driver and “businessman” Tommy Constantine spoke to a group of USC students about entrepreneurship, failing to mention that he was sentenced to six years in an Illinois state prison or that he’s currently being sued for fraud by several NHL hockey players. Way to educate our young minds.

Lindsay Lohan Is No Longer a Thespian