the greatest depression

Know Your Tall, Bald Bailout Officials

We never noticed until today, but former Treasury secretary Hank Paulson packed the department with clones of himself: Tall, bald, gruff guys with Ivy League educations and colorful out-of-work hobbies! In case you get confused, we’ve provided a quick who’s who of Washington’s Bailout Baldies.

Hank Paulson:
A.K.A.: “The Bald” (DealBreaker), “Sexy Shirtless” (Daily Intel).
Position: Former secretary of the Treasury.
Education: Dartmouth, Harvard Law.
Hobbies: Bird-watching, fishing.
Catchphrase: “Make it work.”
Famous for: Making pivotal decisions September to January 2008, such as letting Lehman Brothers fail and asking Congress for a $700 billion bailout, which he will recast in his upcoming memoir.

Neel Kashkari:
A.K.A.: “Chump” (Representative Elijah Cummings), Cash-and-Carry (everyone else).
Position: Interim assistant secretary of the Treasury for Financial Stability, on the verge of being replaced.
Education: University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign; Wharton.
Hobbies: Listening to AC/DC and Rush, admiring fine Italian automobiles.
Others say: “I never thought I’d see him in government.” —banker friend, WSJ.
Famous for: Appearing in two “painful to watch” congressional grillings; inexplicably becoming one of People’s Sexiest Men Alive.

James Lambright:
A.K.A: Lamb-Bone! (We just made that up. The exclamation point is key.)
Position: Chief investment officer, Troubled Asset Relief Program.
Education: Stanford, Wharton.
Catchphrase: “He often talks about ‘navigating the two beacons’ — trying to stabilize the financial system and safeguarding taxpayer dollars,” the Journal says. “He is fond of metaphors.” (So is Hank!)
Hobbies: “He takes photographs of doors he finds interesting.”
Others say: “He’s unbelievably tough, and sometimes needs to be reminded that the job is to save the financial system.” —Hank Paulson. Great!

Know Your Tall, Bald Bailout Officials