the greatest depression

Tomorrow, AIG Plans to Bring It

AIG CEO Edward Liddy and three of the trustees of the company are due to appear in front of the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform tomorrow. It’s the first time representatives for the insurer will come in contact with members of the government — which now owns 80 percent of the company — since Bonusgate, and they know a flawless performance is crucial. Thus, Liddy et al. have conceived of a three-step process to shock and awe the House.

First, Liddy will open by saying a little something to the folks who have nothing to do but criticize (Elijah Cummings):

Rampant, unwarranted criticism of AIG serves only to diminish the value of our businesses around the world … It is critical that we not lose sight of the fact that we are partners.”

In other words, “I know you are, but what am I?”

In other words, “I know you are, but what am I?”

Then, he has two more amazing moves in his repertoire. For instance, there’s Project Destiny, his kick-ass plan to “redefine the future of most of the major businesses within AIG.” To be sure, the plans for definition have not yet technically been defined, but rest assured the structure is in place for them to be defined, and anyway, as the name tells you, action is happening! Let’s move on.

Then! The trustees will make their presentation, which is currently outlined in a double-spaced Word document. They will tell Congress about how they have “devoted considerable time and energy” to coming up with ways to fix the insurer and have made “significant progress,” except of course they won’t be able to go into much detail on that front other than “we hope to be able to announce news on this front shortly.” As long as everyone just stays patient.

If all that fails? Spirit fingers!

Tomorrow, AIG Plans to Bring It