Something very strange is happening outside the immediate environs of New York City: There are celebrities. Now that the Jolie-Pitt clan has taken up temporary residence around Oyster Bay while mommy films Salt, Brad, like Michael Keaton for the new millennium, has taken to picking up the kids from school. What’s more, Brad sometimes reads books to Shiloh’s class and “sits in the back of the classroom a lot.” Like a normal parent, but not!!! We can imagine this elicits quite the squeal at PTA meetings; we can also imagine that for a certain type of stay-at-home, covered-with-barf-and-cookie-batter mom, the sudden dose of wooden-faced hotness has a more profound effect: The natives are restless. They are hungry. They are losing their shit.
“The moms are trying to look a little bit more polished. Instead of schlepping in sweat pants and messy hair, now they wear designer jeans and high heels, which they never wear. Usually it’s Tod’s or Gucci loafers.
Throw those driving moccasins out the door, ladies — the after-school pickup line just got a whole new meaning. But Brad Pitt isn’t the only one causing hot flashes — George Clooney is rumored to have dined with his bestie at the Breakers restaurant in Bayville. Clooney’s rep denies the date, but there is no stopping the suburban fallout:
“I heard a woman screaming at Stop & Shop because the clerk was telling her George Clooney was at the Breakers,” says the local source. “It startled me because she shrieked so loud. Then, a few women said they were going to go down there and see if they could run into Clooney.” Even morning doughnut runs are cause for people to reconsider wardrobe decisions. “I go to Dunkin’ Donuts, and believe me, I even think of it,” says our spy. “I say, ‘I can’t wear those jeans, they make me look fat.’”