Hugh Grant Still Kung-Fu Fighting Paparazzi

Police are investigating Jessica Alba under charges of vandalism because photos surfaced of her defacing Oklahoma property with pictures of a shark. What? Jeremy Piven, in town to arbitrate his sudden departure from Speed-the-Plow, is still banking on his sushi defense, claiming, “The Obama administration came out and said the No. 1 chemical problem in the world is mercury … there will be a lot of documentaries coming out showing what happens when you have too much mercury in your system.” When Ben Stiller whipped out antibacterial gel after shaking hands with Mexican reporters in D.C., everyone thought he was afraid of swine flu. Hugh Grant allegedly attacked a paparazzo outside Waverly Inn. This is after he was arrested for kicking one in the groin in 2007.

Though Kanye’s publicist said that he and Amber Rose have split, they were spotted shopping together on Broadway, and Rose still attended the rapper’s Spotted Pig birthday party, along with Jay-Z, Young Jeezy, and Ivanka Trump. Oh, and Charlie Rose was there, too. Paris Hilton broke up with Doug Reinhardt after a big to-do at a Hollywood club Tuesday night. Rihanna is testifying against Chris Brown today. Turns out A-Rod and Kate Hudson met through their real-estate agent, when A-Rod was still with Madonna. When asked why he was on his cell at the The Hangover premiere’s after-party, Gerard Butler replied, “This woman just had twins, and I was trying to find out if one of them was mine.”

Cirque du Soleil creator Guy Laliberte says he’ll sue if all copies of his biography, in which he’s portrayed as a sleazy womanizer, aren’t removed from stores in the next 24 hours. The biography’s author, Ian Halperin, is ready to take on his fight. Seventy-seven-year-old Morley Safer is still going strong on 60 Minutes and says he has no plans to retire. He also says that if he “could interview Dolly [Parton] every week, [he] would.” Patricia Clarkson burst into tears at LAX when her flight to JFK was canceled. Kathy Griffin lists the perks of being a D-lister: “You get called all sorts of names … So if you’re bored with your own name, you might be called things like Joely Fisher or Kathie Lee Gifford.”

Kirsten Dunst cheered on the Lakers over double Patrón margaritas at Village Pourhouse. Amy Poehler, Rashida Jones, and Rachel Dratch had a girls’ night at Vento. Eliot Spitzer, who has put on a few pounds, took a jog at the Central Park reservoir. Gigi Grazer is cashing in on her divorce. Again. And Tyrese Gibson is nothing if not classy. He announced, “I love seeing my name on a woman’s butt … Ladies, if you want to impress me when you meet me, I need to see my name on your right cheek .” Then he added, “It’s important to keep things tasteful.”

Hugh Grant Still Kung-Fu Fighting Paparazzi