Madonna Wants to Raise Chickens on the Upper East Side

A break-dancing and tequila-downing Justin Timberlake “shooed away” Lindsay Lohan when she tried to cozy up to him on the dance floor at Avenue. Then she tried (and failed) to tweet a rumor about him. The makers of Warner Bros. flick Jonah Hex set some historic New Orleans buildings and land on fire during filming, or maybe the film’s star, Megan Fox, is just that hot. Though Fox, who was recently dubbed “The World’s Sexiest Woman,” tells Fox News she’s so insecure that she has anxiety attacks when she looks in the mirror. No one has any sympathy for beat-up blogger Perez Hilton, who called Black Eyed Peas’ Will.I.Am “a faggot,” and especially not John Mayer, whom Hilton once kneed in the nether regions outside Chateau Marmont. Mayer tweeted, “I also want to train you in an old martial art called ‘Never Call a Black Dude a Faggot Jitsu.’” Clever. Madonna is so sad to leave England that she’s ordering architects to meticulously re-create her British estate on the Upper East Side, even suggesting she bring in chickens to make her kids feel like they’re at home in the countryside.

Richard Branson and Samuel L. Jackson caught up over cocktails at the Jumeirah Essex House before heading to Virgin Atlantic’s 25th-anniversary party. NYU and Columbia grad student James Franco has a “real love for literature” and is launching Lapham’s Quarterly’s summer issue by reading works by Marcel Proust, Elizabeth Bishop, Marco Polo, and Homer at the Hungarian Cultural Center tonight. And supermodel Jessica White is writing a novel and a screenplay.

Luke Wilson watched the U.S. Open over some beers at Vero Midtown, and Denzel Washington grabbed a bite to eat at Philippe. Studly Brazilian soccer star Ronaldinho was swarmed by swooning fans at Frederick’s Downtown, including Frederick himself. Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Jessica Hart was slated to show up at Social Life magazine’s party at Axe Lounge in Southampton over the weekend, but she “got lost in the rain.” Dancing With the Stars’ Julianne Hough was sent off to take acting lessons following her audition for Broadway’s Footloose. Daryl Hannah was arrested in West Virginia for blocking traffic on a major highway while protesting mountaintop coal mining.

Hudson News has decided that the July issue of GQ, featuring an in-the-buff Sacha Baron Cohen, is “pornographic,” and will be shielding the bottom half of the magazine with a “blinder.” After a big fight at L.A.’s Myhouse, Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo are calling it quits on their three-year-long relationship. During his one-man-show at the Wynn Las Vegas, Larry King told an audience member that he’d choose Ryan Seacrest as his successor. Former Men’s Fitness editor Neal Boulton is hard at work on his new reality show, Bastard Life, testing out sex toys at Babeland in Soho and “gathering 20 rock groupies in a studio for their Top 10 tips, demonstrated, for getting the lead singer of any band to [bleep] you.” Then selflessly adding, “Hey, anything to make our viewers better in bed.”

Madonna Wants to Raise Chickens on the Upper East Side