Scotland Yard Is After Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan downed virgin Shirley Temples (we’re skeptical) at Axe Lounge in Southampton on Friday, then climbed the Box’s stripper pole at 4:30 a.m. the next night, which is interesting because her father left a Hamptons lunch early that day claiming he had to catch a flight to L.A. to see her. Oh, and Scotland Yard is investigating LiLo for potentially stealing $400,000 worth of Dior jewelry from an Elle photo shoot. Anne Hathaway shopped for soap in Soho. Miley Cyrus (who’s back with Nick Jonas) makes out with a hot Aussie for her next film, The Last Song in Savannah. Dakota Fanning is suddenly dressing like a badass, kind of like when Jenny Humphrey went all raccoon-eyes on us.

Dan Abrams’s new website will pit media honchos against one another, ranking bigwigs like Tina Brown, Katie Couric, and Jon Stewart. Abrams has also been keeping busy by dating an aspiring actress, twenty years his junior, whom he picked up in a bar. Meanwhile, his ex Renée Zellweger is leaving 240 Central Park South for an Upper East Side brownstone. No one wanted to bid on Max Weinberg’s 1957 turquoise Corvette at the Hamptons Auto Classic. NBC producers won’t let Artie Lange on the Tonight Show because they don’t think the recovering heroin addict is sober enough. Mayor Bloomberg sat front-row at Yankee Stadium next to Andrew Murstein and Brian Williams following his stint in the Puerto Rican Day Parade. Al Roker tweeted about Speidi’s “bad and vacuous behavior.” He’s just noticing this now?

Ashley Olsen wore tangerine at last night’s CFDA Fashion Awards. Adrian Grenier got friendly with Twilight’s Ashley Greene over the weekend, dancing and surfing in Santa Barbara, at least until the cops came, threatening to kick him off the beach because of noise complaints. The Daily News reports that topless photos of Megan Fox were conveniently leaked to the media the same week that Transformers premieres. Except that they were actually leaked about a month ago. Anna Paquin likes skimpy bikinis and short shorts. Paris Hilton is “getting to know” soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo.

Jane’s Addiction front man Perry Farrell chatted with some sci-fi nerd about UFOs over dinner with Rage Against the Machine’s Tom Morello, photographer Mick Rock, and Iron Chef Masaharu Morimoto. Vanessa Minnillo, who’s supposedly still dating Nick Lachey, downed tequila till sunrise in Atlantic City without him. M2 turned away Plaxico Burress and his “inappropriately dressed posse.” Brazilian model Ana Maria Macedo gushed to “Page Six” about her “fairy-tale wedding” to the guy who stood her up a year ago. Apparently, it included festivities at Pink Elephant and Kiss & Fly.

Scotland Yard Is After Lindsay Lohan