Gwyneth Paltrow Makes a Fowl

In case you needed another reason to hate her, Gwyneth Paltrow has released a video of herself preparing a roast chicken and fingerling potatoes while wearing a clearly pricey asymmetrical top that remains spotless the entire time. Tom Cruise partied into the wee hours at LA’s Hyde with David and Victoria Beckham while Katie Holmes was nowhere to be seen. And over at the Hudson Terrace, LA Galaxy’s Landon Donovan reportedly cheered when he heard that his teammate, David Beckham, wasn’t showing up as planned. Nas announced that he was “hammered off of Champagne” at a Queensbridge Projects performance, then partied at the Gates until 3 a.m. while Kelis gave birth to their son. Roger Federer was actually present as his wife had twins in Switzerland. Dev Patel and Freida Pinto are still trying to act like they’re not a couple, despite having romantic dinners together around the city.

Buckingham Palace has requested a private screening of Brüno. Shockingly enough, those close to former Star reporter Kate Major say she’s always been a fame whore. Brad Pitt’s not really the religious type. When asked if he was spiritual, he responded, “You’ll either find out or not when you get there. Until then, there’s no point thinking about it.” And while in Iraq for the third time, Angelina Jolie told locals, “I want to come back and find you in a better place and a better situation.”

Jerry Oppenheimer’s upcoming tell-all, Madoff With the Money, talks about how Madoff was a con man from childhood, starting with his fabricated high-school book reports. Harrison Ford downed a double Goose on the rocks while waiting for his takeout pizza at Serafina. Dan Quayle dined with former treasury secretary John Snow at “21,” then chatted up former Texas senator Phil Gramm, who was at a table nearby. Cheryl Tiegs and her ex, Tony Peck, caught up at Swifty’s with their son. Because the meatpacking district is in need of another glitzy club with an “international crowd,” Stereo’s Michael Satsky and Brian Gefter are opening up another one in the Gansevoort Hotel. Gerard Butler’s been heading to private Chelsea gym Peak Performance incognito, lest anyone discover that he’s lost his six-pack abs. We think Gwen Stefani could take him any day.

A full-frontal outtake from John Lennon and Yoko Ono’s iconic (and naked) 1968 Two Virgins album cover is selling for $54,000. Oz actor Chuck Zito, who once beat up Jean-Claude Van Damme for dissing him at Scores, was upset that the guards at the Canadian border denied him entry because of his six-year prison stint for drug conspiracy and old gun and assault raps. Ryan Cabrera offered to put up all his LA neighbors in hotels the night of his 27th birthday party so they wouldn’t call the cops. Travis Barker canoodled with his ex while with their two kids at Anaheim’s Ringling Bros. Circus. Shannen Doherty watched Tori Spelling’s reality show on a flight from LAX to NYC. Kristen Stewart’s response when asked if she’s been getting it on with Robert Pattinson: “Are you kidding me?” (But she didn’t say no!)

Gwyneth Paltrow Makes a Fowl