Jesus Luz Becomes Self-aware

Now that Guy Ritchie is back in Madonna’s life, doing fatherly things like a full-day Kabbalah-fest with Mercy and the rest of her brood, 22-year-old Jesus Luz is beginning to realize that he’s just Madge’s boy toy and could never live up, according to friends. Kim Cattrall dumped her younger Canadian beau of five years. Penélope Cruz might be pregnant with Javier Bardem’s baby. Apparently it was John Mayer’s texts that broke up Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo. Reason to head down to Wall Street: Chace Crawford is moving into the financial district’s Dwell95 building.

A “slick” Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele met leveraged-buyout tycoon Henry Kravis for a drink at the St. Regis, chatting about Palin, Sotomayor, and “how the future of the GOP needs Kravis.” Elijah Wood ate at Delicatessen with girlfriend Pamela Racine. Robert Verdi was surrounded by ladies at the Plaza’s Warren Tricomi Salon while filming his reality show, She’s Got the Look. Lance Bass, who’s a trained astronaut, says it’s his time to go into space. In the spirit of True Blood and Twilight, Dacre Stoker, the Dracula author’s great-grandnephew, has written a sequel titled Dracula: The Un-Dead, based on handwritten notes and cut plot threads from the original vampire story. We’re hoping Robert Pattinson will star in the big-screen adaptation.

Some guy claiming to be Jonah Hill created a fake Twitter account and has been talking trash about Jon Favreau. With The Proposal’s success at the box office, Sandra Bullock says she’ll repeat the movie’s naked scenes in all her future flicks if it’ll keep audiences coming. Joey McIntyre has a new kid coming to his block; his wife is preggers with their second child. And Jason Bateman discusses his substance abuse with Details, saying, “Booze was what would make me want to stay out all night and do some blow or smoke a joint or whatever, so shuttin’ that off was key. It’s like ketchup and French fries — I don’t want one without the other.”

The always-dashing Pierce Brosnan blew a kiss to Fuerza Bruta cast member Marlyn Ortiz in the middle of Saturday’s performance. Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen will be hitting up Barneys to promote their new clothing line, the Row. Renée Zellweger has agreed to pack on the pounds again for the third installment of Bridget Jones. Like all currently attractive people, Amy Adams swears she was awkward as a teen. Writer Julie Powell, whose adventure in Julia Child’s cooking is chronicled in Julie & Julia, dishes about her “insane, irresistible love affair” in an upcoming memoir. So when you’re watching her movie and you fall in love with her adorable, supportive husband, keep in mind that she cheats on him after the movie ends. And Megan Fox is looking for a new Hollywood Hills pad, and though she says she’s “currently what you would call single I guess,” she’s shacking up with former fiancé Brian Austin Green.

Jesus Luz Becomes Self-aware