Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly, Engaged?

Avril Lavigne and Sum 41 husband Deryck Whibley haven’t been photographed together since last December, so they’re probably getting a divorce. Ashley Olsen looked weird at the Girl Talk concert in Williamsburg, where she may have felt too hot in the 90 degree weather with her turban and corduroys. Supermodel Paulina Porizkova told a reporter she reads long books so she can use them later as weights in her step class. Elsewhere in books, Claus von Bulow’s former mistress has written one about being Claus von Bulow’s mistress. Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly might be secretly engaged, but the Yankees lost when Eliot and Silda Spitzer went to watch them play. A group of friends were dancing too sexily at Britney Spears’s concert, so they were taken into the hallway and told to dance more normally. Meanwhile, Kanye West and Amber Rose went to a Nine Inch Nails concert but did not dance.

The restaurant reviewer for the New York Daily News, Danyelle Freeman, a.k.a. Restaurant Girl, has been fired, while the New York Times is pimping out its writers for $185 a pop. The Awl’s newest columnist is Ryan Adams, who’ll be writing about video games. First up: a review of Gorf, out today. Michael Bloomberg’s daughter beat Lou Dobbs’s daughter in a horse race, which is open for interpretation. Once he’s released from rehab, Farrah Fawcett and Ryan O’Neal’s son Redmond will star in a reality show about his addictions, which he must beat before he gets his inheritance. Graydon Carter is selling his mother’s cookies. Scott Storch lives in a hotel.

It was hipsters who robbed Lindsay Lohan’s house. Also, Lindsay Lohan did not know that Michel Gondry was French. Here is a photo gallery of celebrities with sweaty armpits. A $4.6 million eBay bid for the space above Marilyn Monroe’s crypt has fallen through — now is your chance. No, Megan Fox will not play Catwoman.

Ryan Jenkins, the reality-TV star wanted in connection with his wife’s murder, may have been given getaway help by his wife’s half sister: The car he was last seen in was found at her condo.

Anderson Cooper on Heidi Montag: “I don’t really know who this person is, nor why she’s pretending to be a singer, nor why anyone should actually listen to her.” Rebecca Gayheart and Eric Dane, of the naked hot-tub video, might be expecting a baby. The first thing Chris Brown did after being sentenced for assaulting Rihanna was visit a nightclub in Hollywood, where he stood on a booth and performed “Dirty Diana” by Michael Jackson. Beep beep: The Gosselin children ride the bus to school.

Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly, Engaged?