Guy Ritchie Is Going to Gay Up Sherlock Holmes

Mischa Barton can’t seem to catch a break these days. Over a “disastrous” dinner at Sant Ambroeus, she griped about having a stalker, then chain-smoked outside. Then someone spilled a drink on her somewhat heinous dress at the Cooper Square Hotel. Michael Douglas’s son was arrested in an undercover drug bust at the Gansevoort Hotel. He was about to sell his huge stash of crystal meth. Tom Cruise gave Victoria and David Beckham relationship advice. Madonna and Jesus have been strolling around St. Petersburg, holding hands, with Lourdes in tow. Guy Ritchie has plans to put a gay spin on the relationship between Sherlock Holmes, played by Robert Downey Jr., and Dr. Watson, played by Jude Law, in his upcoming film. Says Downey, “We’re two men who happen to be roommates, wrestle a lot and share a bed. It’s bad-ass.”

Infamous madam Kristin Davis is mad that she did four months in jail for promoting prostitution while Spitzer walked, so she’s planning to hold a press conference outside his fund-raiser for Manhattan D.A. candidate Cyrus Vance Jr. tomorrow. Dev Patel and Freida Pinto have finally come out as a couple, after everyone’s known that they’re an item for about a year now. Rachel Bilson’s engagement to Hayden Christensen is supposedly still on, despite the fact that she’s been hanging out at Nobu West Hollywood without her ring. While vacationing in Italy with her boyfriend, Naomi Campbell was accused of attacking a photographer, hitting him with her bag, and scratching him. George Clooney and his Italian lap-dancer girlfriend went motorbiking with Cindy Crawford and Rande Gerber. Jack Nicholson smoked while swimming in France. That’s actually kind of impressive, if you think about it.

The record producer Rihanna shared ice cream with at the Montauk Yacht Club has worked with Chris Brown, and the Post thinks this means she’s seeing Brown again. Rihanna also dined at Philippe in East Hampton while Rudy Giuliani and Paul McCartney were there. Does that mean she’s dating them too? Dina and Michael Lohan were civil at the Super Saturday benefit in Watermill, but then started fighting again at Bridgehampton Polo, at which point Michael called security. Sonia Sotomayor got a pedicure and bought a fried chicken on the North Fork. Mets slugger David Wright had s’mores at Max Brenner with seven of his friends. Dennis Haskins (a.k.a. Saved by the Bell’s Mr. Belding) had some drinks with friends at Griffin. Benjamin Bratt turned down free Champagne at a bash for his new film, La Mission, claiming he doesn’t drink. And Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee were “making out all night and biting each other’s candy necklaces” at the Hard Rock Hotel in Vegas. Typical.

Authorities are chasing after Nicolas Cage for the over $6 million in income taxes they say he owes. Paula Abdul did some shopping at H&M on Fifth Avenue. While James Gandolfini might be hesitant about making a Sopranos movie, Lorraine Bracco is all about it, gushing, “I want us to be like Sex and the City or The Bourne Identity. I want to make a million of them.” There’s a full-frontal nude photo of Joe DiMaggio hanging in a San Francisco art gallery. And those driving down the Pacific Coast Highway last week probably caught six Victoria’s Secret models in lingerie shooting their holiday commercial by the side of the road. But that’s pretty standard for California.

Guy Ritchie Is Going to Gay Up Sherlock Holmes