Someone Hired Lindsay Lohan!

Playing off of rumors that George Clooney is gay, Brad Pitt defended same-sex marriage by announcing, “Angie and I will not be getting married until George and his partner can legally do so.” Rachel McAdams chatted up Pitt and Eric Bana at the Rouge Tomate after-party for The Time Traveler’s Wife. LiLo has been shooting scenes for a new movie, Machete, in Texas. Hey, work is work. Someone called the cops on a suspicious-looking guy wandering around Long Branch, New Jersey. Turns out it was Bob Dylan.

While campaigning in Harlem, Mayor Bloomberg’s staffers knocked on Democratic rival Bill Thompson’s door. Martin Scorsese dropped out of directing the upcoming Bob Marley documentary last May, and now producer Steve Bing has cut director Jonathan Demme off the project after being unhappy with the first round of edits. John Edwards will supposedly admit that he’s the father of his ex-mistress’s child as a grand jury investigates whether campaign funds were used to keep her quiet. Someone stole Baron Davis’s laptop. Mariah Carey canceled her scheduled Today show concert, after pulling out of the MTV Movie Awards, a VH1 Storytellers taping, and her own Hollywood Walk of Fame ceremony. ScarJo’s sophomore album is inspired by Brigitte Bardot, and collaborator Pete Yorn says the idea came to him in a dream.

Zach Braff let the blonde he was with pick up their drinks tab at Jane Ballroom. Nick Lachey hit up Avenue on Tuesday, partying with his pals in a corner banquette but leaving solo, while Jessica Simpson’s been shopping for groceries alone in Encino. Swizz Beatz, Nas, and Asher Roth partied at the Hotel on Rivington Penthouse for D.J. Mel DeBarge’s birthday, while Jesse McCartney kept cutting people in line, whining that he couldn’t get in. Restaurants like La Grenouille, Café Boulud, and Café des Artistes are closing for the rest of August. How French. Renée Zellweger is back in the city after her not-at-all-romantic Spanish getaway with Bradley Cooper, during which they stroked each other’s backsides.

Kourtney Kardashian was hoping to use the identity of her unborn child’s father as a ploy to up the ratings on her show, but big sister Kim spoiled her plan by dishing to people like Mena Suvari and Jason Segel that Kourtney’s boyfriend, Scott Disick, is the father. Because we’re sure they were just dying to know. Heidi Pratt insists on giving far too much information about her sex life with Spencer. Andy Dick has been asking The View co-host Sherri Shepherd for tips on finding God. Miley Cyrus’s pierced and tattooed brother has been trashing the Jonas Brothers to Details magazine. And before going on tour with Kanye West, Lady Gaga warned him, “My music is gay. My show is gay. And I love that it’s gay … And I love my gay fans, and they’re all going to be coming to our show.”

Someone Hired Lindsay Lohan!