Once a week, Daily Intel peeks behind doors left slightly ajar. This week, the newly deflowered actor: 24, Morningside Heights, gay, in a relationship.
DAY ONE
9:30 a.m.: So glad my boyfriend didn’t t stay over last night, so I can play with myself this morning. Fantasize about a guy I saw at an audition whose pants were too loose and revealed his serious lack of underwear. Butt cleavage is my religion.
2:37 p.m.: Do a quick scan of every male passenger on my subway car, then stare at my favorite one for the remainder of the ride. Straight hipster with an uncalculated, breezy stylishness. My lust is crippling.
1:21 a.m.: When my boyfriend gets to my house, I’m too tired to make out. Also, his beard sometimes hurts my face. It’s very prickly. We’ll do it in the morning, probably. This is my first real relationship, and I’m still figuring it out.
DAY TWO
10 a.m.: We were both virgins until a week ago. He loves getting fucked, but I think I have just not been hard enough for it to be terribly exciting for me. It’s a little too tight for me. I’m kind of addicted to just humping his butt cheeks to achieve orgasm. Have to get into the whole actual penetration thing.
4 p.m.: Out for a late lunch in Brooklyn, one of my friends is into the waiter, and when he goes outside for a cigarette, the rest of us promptly deliver his number. Actually, I don’t find him cute at all. So skinny. To improve upon Paula Cole: Where have all the good butts gone?
1 a.m.: Boyfriend arrives late from work. I slightly resent him for being skinny and never working out. And I sort of hate the way he touches me. I rarely let him put his finger in my butt, and he’s never fucked me. But his butt is divine. When I get on top of him, it hurts his back. He’s been getting regular chiropractor adjustments.
DAY THREE
12:50 p.m.: Want to save it for a good hookup with my boyfriend, but I can’t help but check my favorite porn blog, More Cushion for the Pushin. My butt fetish is unabashed.
12:43 a.m.: Boyfriend spending time with his roommate. I read some erotic fiction in bed on my BlackBerry about a police officer spanking a teenager and jerk off.
DAY FOUR
12:30 p.m.: Friend from brunch tells me about a sexual encounter he had with the waiter. They found a secluded picnic table near the Brooklyn Navy Yard and got totally naked! I’m impressed. The single life. My boyfriend is not kinky.
2 p.m.: Feel cute today. In the subway, there’s a really hot guy looking at me, which is rare. He won’t stop, so I look at him and grin sexily. He’s into it. I cross the platform and get on the local, and we smile at each other again through the window. He heads toward me, but the doors close. I don’t feel guilty at all, which makes me feel guilty.
8 p.m.: While waiting for my boyfriend to finish work, and also to avoid snacking, I jerk off. I have a gross habit of looking at porn on my laptop while sitting on the toilet.
9:30 p.m.: Look at pictures of my ex-boyfriend’s glorious ass and masturbate. We once sent naked pictures back and forth online and jerked off while i-chatting. I didn’t particularly consider it cheating.
DAY FIVE
11 a.m.: No sex this morning because my boyfriend’s brother is in town.
2:14 p.m.: In a cab with boyfriend and his brother. I rub my boyfriend’s back. I’m delighted to discover that I’m turned on. It’s not over between us!
3:49 p.m.: Because of my hard-on in the cab, I don’t feel guilty jerking off with porn when boyfriend and his brother go hang out together. Decide I need to get accustomed to the fact that actual fucking might take a bit longer than the instant gratification of masturbation. And I do mean instant. Well, okay, two minutes tops.
9:30 p.m.: At a movie with boyfriend and bro, I get hard. I’m very pleased with myself. The spontaneous boners have appeared with significantly less frequency since high school.
DAY SIX
11 p.m.: Nothing today. Boyfriend’s brother still in town. It’s been so long since we’ve hooked up that when my boyfriend kisses me, it feels new and exciting again. Love it. What a relief to know that I can still give myself to someone in a relationship, and that I’m not as utterly selfish as my masturbation obsession might metaphorically imply.
DAY SEVEN
10 a.m.: Wake up with the hardest morning wood ever. Stand over toilet bowl until it goes down so I can pee.
11:35 a.m.: Receive a promotional code for fifteen free minutes on a porn site I used to frequent. The day is now shot to pieces as I make myself comfortable in front of my laptop. Worry about my porn addiction.
11:37 a.m.: Rediscover that I love milking my own prostate. Must remind my boyfriend tonight.
2 p.m.: Audition. Lotsa hotties.
8 p.m.: I want to finish off my fifteen free minutes, but I need to save the orgasm for my boyfriend.
11:22 p.m.: I’m headed over to my boyfriend’s house. I was worried about letting him go near my butt, and feeling guilty about my obsession with porn, but I just read over what I’ve written since Monday and decided to give myself a break and stop being annoying. It’ll be okay. And if I feel like I’m gonna poop when he puts his finger up there, that’s okay too. Here I go.
TOTALS: Seven acts of masturbation; one act of intercourse; four days of celibacy enforced by presence of boyfriend’s visiting brother.
