scary things that are also funny things

Al Qaeda Anal-Cavity Terrorism Gives Post a Porcelain Opportunity

So, recently an Al Qaeda terrorist got close to Saudi prince Mohammed bin Nayef, a member of that nation’s royal family and the head of its counterterrorism program. The terrorist, Abdullah Asieri, then detonated a suicide bomb on his person. Well, in his person. The explosive device was stored in his rectal cavity, where it was not detected by the prince’s security personnel. Luckily, only the terrorist himself was killed. This story is notable, according to terrorism experts, because it signals a new hazard — if effective bombs can be fit inside of people, security measures here in America may have to be entirely reevaluated. According to the Post, however, this story is notable mostly because it is an awesome opportunity to make toilet jokes. Witness:

• “There’s a new al Qaeda terror technique that has American security experts pooping in their pants.”
• “Call it the ’butt bomb.’”
• “The ass-assin, Abdullah Asieri, stashed a pound of explosives and a detonator inside his body.”
• “Tactic spooks anal-ysts.”

What, no “A sphincter says ‘BOOM’”? “Terrorectum”? “Colon Blow”? “Silent But Deadly”? “Suicidarrhea”? “Fartrabian Nights”? “The Shart of War”? Come on, guys, you’re just not trying hard enough!

Qaeda ‘ass’assin [NYP]

Al Qaeda Anal-Cavity Terrorism Gives Post a Porcelain Opportunity