the greatest show of our time

Gossip Girl Joins the Mile-High Club

Well, commenters, despite a long summer hiatus, you certainly wasted no time in jumping back into sharing your pluses and minuses on the season premiere of the Greatest Show of Our Time. We’ve never seen you so happy — you gave our recap enough plus points to keep us in positive points the whole season, and a few of you even offered to make out with us. There weren’t any big debates this episode, but you were all in agreement that the GOOP reference was fantastic and that Vanessa’s dreadlocks need to go. You also (rightfully) lamented the absence of our queen, Dorota.

Before we get to your comments, we have to admit that we screwed up. Apparently, strangers make out with each other on planes all the time. Either that, or our office is full of sluts. Anyway, on to your best comments!

Realer Than Blair Getting Off On Humiliating Other Girls
• Of course coffee tastes better out of CeCe’s china, they are probably all laced with gin. Plus 5 —rgh

• Did Jenny and Vanessa get matching hair extensions? Made from the hair that they found in the drain? Plus 10. —kdow3

• Chuck’s new hair. He looks like sex on legs. Plus 5. —cbassluv

Plus 10 for Scott getting close to Rufus by complimenting him about his band. Just like he got to Dan by writing him a letter about his short story. Clearly he knows the way to a Humphrey man’s heart is his (undeserved) ego. —witch_hunts_are_my_valium

Plus 10 for Dan’s new hairstyle. He is totally that boy who is kinda cute in high school and then turns fugly by Thanksgiving of freshman year and you wonder why you wasted three years of high school pining after him. Hypothetically. Of course I wouldn’t know how this feels. I just heard about it from a friend. —groundhog

Plus 20 for the two times that Vanessa called a limo a “limo” since no one with money would ever call it a limo, they would call it a “car”. —haunt_fox

Plus 2 for no one even batting an eye when Dan described the breakfast spread at Lily’s apartment thusly: “This makes the Four Seasons look like…one season.” You know he’s been saving that one for just the right occasion —timmyinboston

Plus 10 for the Goop reference, because it’s obviously the only thing Serena reads besides her own entry in Wikipedia. —bassist

Plus 2 For Dan admiring his first non-velcro wallet: “Will you look at that stitching?!” —sparkle17

• And was Scott holding his “certificate of live birth” some Obama birther reference? If so, plus a lotttt. —legallybored

• And plus 6 for the skeptical look on Rufus’s face when Scott tells him he’s a big fan of his music. It’s Lincoln Hawk; this has never happened before. —sharpiepen

• Of course Dan pre-read all his college books. Plus 1. And has a Serena van der Woodsen alert on Google? Plus 3 —peterpanda94

Faker Than an 18-Year-Old Instantly Accepting Dad No. 5 As a Father Figure
• Why does half-brother Scott look so ethnic? Where was that supposed to come from? Rufus and Lily are two of the whitest people on the planet. And his comment on how “white” the polo match was - was that out of solidarity with Vanessa? Need we remind ourselves that he grew up in BOSTON?? Minus 8. —notadoctor

• Someone at the polo match wore a Matthew Williamson for H&M dress. How do I know? Because I own it. Minus 5. —bejeweled

Minus 20 because Lily wouldn’t leave Rufus some “emergency money”, in a wallet. In the living room! She would have made a special code for the safe just for the summer. Or as any respectable Upper East Sider, give him (or Eric) a credit card. I really don’t think she sent Serena with pocket money or traveler checks either. —michele22

Minus 10 for dan’s muscles. i thought hipsters didn’t work out —misschristypoo

• Vanessa’s just upset because she doesn’t have a rich step-parent who will buy her a new weave. —pandamystery

• Blair left her phone on the table at the polo match? Uh, no. She would have been calling Chuck leaving him threatening voicemails if she really thought he was cheating. Also, she’s an 18 year old girl. She’s not leaving her cell phone anywhere. What if Gossip Girl herself has something to say? —ponies_and_rainbows

Minus 5 for Serena’s Hollywood Bump-It while shopping in SoHo with Blair. Fail. —thatbasshole

• Scott looks like a short Adam Lambert in Dan Humphrey clothing. Not sure how to work out the points for this. —purpleandgreen

Minus 5 for the shot of Vanessa at the polo match when, with her almost-dreds and hippie dress, she was easily mistaken for Bob Marley —emilymylou

• Dan’s half/step brother wears guyliner. Minus 5. vanessa falls for a guy who wears guyliner. Plus 5 so even. —cbgirl

• At one point Blair sits in her living room in front of a Baldwin piano. No way would the Waldorfs have anything but a Steinway. Minus 10. —chloemay

Minus 5 for Dan not being more weird and awkward about his new familial situation involving Serena. We know his social skills aren’t that good. —censorama

Gossip Girl Joins the Mile-High Club