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Gossip Girl Won’t Hold Your Sad Little Hometowns Against You

As we continue our journey into Gossip Girl: The College Years, our commenters were left mixed up and confused, much like the Gossip Girl freshmen themselves. College is a time of transition, and it showed in this episode: Blair has fallen from queen to Loser (with a capital L), Lonely Boy isn’t lonely at all, and Chuck has some (somewhat) legitimate business ideas. However, Serena once again has stayed the same. Below, our favorite of your more than 500 (!) comments, compiled by commenter emeritus* ComfortablySmug.

Realer Than Rufus Being More Scared of Lily Than Serena Is
• The kids are becoming their parents: Serena runs away from growing up, Chuck yells evil invectives at stupid kids for ruining his deals, and Dan makes waffles for Serena just about the same time as Rufus does for Chuck. Plus 3. SHAWNAMUFFIN

• Blair’s line at the party, “Dan’s a writer?” Plus 20 because honestly, after I thought about it, why would she know? RGH

Plus 5 for Dan dethroning Blair — especially loved him metaphorically stealing her crown by telling her to lose the headband. WRITEFASHIONISTA

Plus 3 for Serena knowing the exact amount of bra to show when trying to make up with the boy you have been keeping on the back burner. Just enough that he can see it while pretending to look you in the eye. SPOTTED423

Plus 1 for the shots of girls hauling cart after cart of stuff into the dorm while the guy only lovingly totes his stereo. Because everyone knows guys don’t bring anything but electronics and a suitcase to college. LEGALLYBORED

• Regarding the whole rooftop hookup: To quote the very wise Charlie Harper, “crazy chicks are the best in the sack”. Obviously Dan is still dreaming about the BJ Georgina gave him in S1, which is why he is so quick to believe her. Everyone knows any teenage boy will throw his entire belief system if there is a possibility of getting laid. So as much as it hurts me to do so … Plus 20. STILETTO33

Plus 10 Dan … because “I hear girls at NYU aren’t at all particular” —JUDGEMENT_FACE

Plus 10 for C/B spooning, and plus an additional 2 for B being the big spoon, again. JPISANI

Plus 5 for hoping that Dorota employed disguises and Blair-esque deception to get into Miss Blair’s room early and prepare it for her arrival. And, of course, pimp it out like an Upper East side Xzibit (note chandelier in background). JUDGMENTEYE

Faker Than Vanessa and Dan Not Buying Used Books
Minus 10 for the writers not letting any of the new ‘relationships’ have any tension. The pre-hookup tension is what gossip girl does best and without it none of these new interactions seem even slightly believable. BLOB

Minus 5 for no Jenny — because even though that means that the makeup crew saved hundreds on eyeliner and dark lipstick, this also means no Eric, and those two are a package deal. Kind of sadsies. BEANHEAD

Minus 5 because Stern freshmen would totally be at Blair’s party. As future business leaders, they would want to partake in sushi and sake. BEJEWELED

• Dan would be full-blown hipster by now, not the most outgoing kid at the party. Minus 4. ISGOODATMATH

Minus 10 for Chuck’s tie. Billionaires, young and otherwise, know that the end of your tie should not exceed your belt buckle, as Chuck’s so glaringly did. BASSIST

• If Eric had just been in this episode for 5 minutes, he could have straightened this Serena mess out. Minus 5. Minus 5 for every episode without Eric. TWINSFINDME

• Ok I know we’re supposed to believe that Rufus is helping to take care of Lily’s shit when she’s out of town, but does that seriously mean missing his own kid’s first day at college to send off his trampy, soon-to-be stepdaughter who he’s barely seen or missed all summer? Minus 10 cause no one’s buying that. KDOW3

• When Rufus showed up at the loft to talk to Serena, there was coffee ready. Who made the coffee? Certainly not Serena. She wouldn’t know how to boil water let alone make *instant* coffee. Minus 5. —fsuzann

Minus 5 For lack of weed smoking at rooftop party, because … there would be some, somewhere. —HAUNT_FOX

Minus 3 for Georgina handing out FLYERS for her rooftop party. Has the girl never heard of a Facebook invite? COWT

• There were not nearly enough gay guys in this episode to prove that it was about NYU, Minus 2. CENSORAMA

*We realized this week that we had never said “emeritus” out loud before. Of course, the only person who knew how to pronounce it correctly was our Ivy Leaguer, Chris. And speaking of commenter Emeriti (is that a word? It is now), Miss Alexandra Martell will be assigning out the commenter recaps from now on, since, as you may have noticed, Chris and Jessica dropped the ball last time. If you’re interested in partaking, e-mail her at alexandra.martell[at], subject line: TIGHTS ARE NOT PANTS.

Gossip Girl Won’t Hold Your Sad Little Hometowns Against You