For years, the waste of Southamptonites has disappeared down their Kohler toilets and made its way into various area cesspools — perforated pits that hold wastewater and allow it to slowly seep into the nearby soil and ocean. Which is pretty gross, actually, especially if you suddenly think to yourself, Why, I’m swimming in Howard Stern’s crap while swimming in Long Island Sound, or, Aren’t those hydrangeas lovely? George Soros must be eating an iron-rich diet these days while admiring the local landscape. But the locals don’t want to modernize by installing actual sewer systems. Why? Because that would change the area’s character.
“With sewers, the growth limit would be lifted and the character of the community would forever be changed,” Armando, the leader of a group fighting apartment development, said in a telephone interview. Armando said his Rocky Point Residents Action Group, in the Suffolk County town of Brookhaven, has 1,100 members who prefer single-family houses over apartments that they expect will increase with added sewers.
There you have it: Hamptons residents would actually rather be surrounded by their own poop than by poor people.