the greatest show of our time

Gossip Girl Lied Because She Cares About You

This week, Gossip Girl attempted to get all freaky, but not in the ways we wanted (i.e. a certain omission of limo/chair/ANY sex between a particular UES power couple). You all agreed that Serena’s boobs will require their own sitcom in the future and that Rufus’s penchant for flannel has left many characters’ identities in crisis (Hey! Maybe he should offer a flannel to Serena!). There was, however, a lot of debate as to whether Vanessa’s absence was a positive or negative occurrence and why our beloved Queen B has fallen so far. Your best and freakiest comments below, brought to you this week by the lovely kdow3.

Realer Than Rufus’s Mission to Outfit the World in Flannel
• So Serena is now getting paid to be the girlfriend of a B- (and sliding) movie star, making her effectively a hooker. Plus 5, because this is the best proof ever that “Dress for the job you want” WORKS. HOOKEDONBASS

• Dorota knows how to play chess while swiffing. Plus 5. BEJEWELED

Plus 2 for the Halloween costume choices of the hired children - policeman, fireman, Taylor Swift and Lady Gaga. Spot-on. Plus an additional 2 for Lily thinking that recycling the same three kids all night would fool Rufus - an understandable error, because she sees her kids so rarely that it definitely would have worked on her. PURPLEANDGREEN

Plus 12 for Nate’s enthralled expression while watching Endless (K)nights–he so wanted his tenth viewing to be as special as the first. MISSELISA

• Blair cheats while playing chess with Dorota. Plus 1. SOUTHERNCOMFORT

Plus 5 Because I’m enjoying the supporting actor Nate is turning into. Let the big boys Chuck, Dan, Rufus, and Eric handle the hard acting, and go lie on your bed and read teen vampire movie blogs and watch bad Hilary Duff movies, and come out long enough just to poke fun at Chuck & Blair’s relationship. Plus 5, because you know deep down, he’s jealous, and I’m just waiting for that episode when he smokes the wrong drug and goes ballistic on both of them. SUENUE

Plus 5 for Jenny’s slow transition into Lady Gaga. I’m waiting for the day she shows up to school with a nest around her face. COWT

• Rufus’ Leigh Lezark costume. Plus 50. SARCASTICMEOW

• While almost everyone else looked like kiddies playing dress up, Eric wore something that measured up to his level of maturity and wisdom. Plus 5. I love you, E. Never change. SIGNATURESCARF

Plus 10 for Lily saying to Jenny something like “do your old clothes even FIT you anymore?” Not because Jenny has grown out of them, but because her daily caloric intake for the last year has been a handful of raw almonds (not even yogurt- that gets dumped on her brother) and a stick of black eyeliner which her eyes hungrily consume. MALEYDAISY

• Horace started working for Chuck and didn’t even bother to ask what happened to that grungy little Brooklyn girl. Plus 20pts because it took me almost the entire episode to realize Vanessa was missing too. NURSELUVBASS

• Of course Serena would assume being a publicist only involved throwing open a curtain and announcing what your client was doing. Plus 3. PORNWIFE

• Rufus’ apron and delicate pumpkin handling skills: At first glance (before showing his face), I thought his arms were womanly in nature, confirming his gentle transition to domestic goddess. DIGNELL

Plus 5 for how the necklace S wore with that red satin halter…it was like, trapped in between her cleavage and had no hope of survival. They just keep finding more and more things to do with her boobs that were originally thought impossible. ROBNBIG12

• “Rufus asked me for my size.. am I getting a flannel?” -Eric. Plus 3 for the slight look of apprehensive terror on his face at the thought of it. KDG881

Faker Than Chuck Bass Not Utilizing His Girlfriend’s Offer to Kiss Another Girl
Minus 5 - because when are Blair and Chuck going to get a make-up sex scene?? (this was the perfect episode for it - esp at the end! But then they cut to Dan/Olivia - no, writers, no!) GGISBSE

• I really wanted Jonathan to fall to the ground while getting egged like Sonny Corleone in the Godfather. Minus 2. They should have played an Italian opera song and cut to Eric sensing something was wrong. Minus 2. Finally they cut back to Jenny getting a text message that says “it is done” and she looks up from her drink and stares off into space, then lowers her head slowly feeling bad for betraying her best friend. Minus 3. Come on writers, golden opportunity for emmys. ISGOODATMATH

• Does Olivia really need to take free condoms? Can’t the star of Endless Knights hit up Duane Reade? MISSFARADAY

• Pet Peeve: Serena’s boss used ‘ironic’ wrong. A PR girl should know what ironic means, especially if she’s working for Lizzie McGuire. Minus 3. QTIPKIWIS

• Ok, Serena/Blake’s speech is getting out of control. She sounds like she is playing that game, “chubby bunny”, where you stuff marshmallows in your mouth and try to talk. She is supposed to be a rich snob in a family of other rich snobs. There is no way Lily or Cece would have allowed this to continue beyond the age of 2. In fact, Cece would rather have her be a mute and rely on her looks than sound like a drugged up tranny. Minus 10. KELLROG

Minus 5 for the Milk and Honey reference. Try Dutch Kills or Pegu Club, honey. Blair, you really have fallen so far. POLISHPIEROGI

Minus 4 for Eric getting mad at J for the yogurt fiasco. The grey T and khakis with slicked back hair is undoubtedly the best look he’s had in 2.5 seasons. It was for a greater good E. (seriously will he never have good hair?) —FABULOUS_NOBODY

Minus 100. Jenny dresses like a common prostitute, now that she is rich, but when she was poor she made an effort. Deeply disturbing. ILUDYTHINK

Minus 10 for anyone (let alone everyone) thinking that “endless knights” could be anything OTHER than a porno. DACEYLEE

Minus 10 for Gossip Girl being mentioned once and Perez Hilton twice. I’m sorry, what was the name of the show again? FASHIONRAT

Minus 5 for Jonathan and Eric wearing the same uniform. When did Jonathan transfer to St. Judes? UESIDER08

Minus 3 for the framed picture of Michael Myers on display at Ruf’s and Lil’s place. Why do they need a picture of a fictional horror character when they could put up some snapshots of their very own vampire, Little J? WANNABEUES

Minus 4 for Blair pushing an eighties party. THEY ARE SO OVERDONE. Blair would know that. Also that party would look just too much like the episode that ruined prom and no one wants to relive that. WONDERMENT

• Why IS Jenny so dumb? Real Queen Bees make up the rules, they don’t follow them. If these girls are her slaves, why doesn’t she order them to treat Eric like royalty? It makes no sense, especially since her older character was far more crafty and clever. Minus 10. PEPPERMINT123

Gossip Girl Lied Because She Cares About You