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Gossip Girl Never Puts Her Fate in Someone Else’s Hands

It was no Tribeca Scavenger Hunt, but you certainly ran the gamut with your comments for this week’s episode. You all agreed that Serena shouldn’t book any trips to Vegas in the near future, and you realized where Vanessa gets all those charming qualities from. And, like us, you’re just waiting for Vufus (Ranessa?) to happen (seriously, writers, we want some good stuff in season five). And as always, we had a few recurring themes. You’re madly in love with Chuck, Jenny needs makeup remover STAT, etc. However, we’ve noticed that there appear to be a lot of boyfriends who “don’t watch the show,” but seem to get more fired up than their girlfriend-commenting counterparts. (It’s okay, fellas, seriously. Jessica’s husband gets more into Gossip Girl than she does sometimes, too.) On to your best comments, brought to you this week by fully admitted Gossip Girl lover isgoodatmath.

Realer Than Blair Numbering Her Minions
Plus 50 for the only time Vanessa has ever looked good on this show being in Blair’s nightmare. Because, of course, Blair would know how to make Vanessa look better than Vanessa would- and of course it would be a nightmare. —fishy550

• The only person dumb enough to be played by Nate would be Serena. Plus 2. —fonclbrisc

• The introduction of vanessa’s mother does not quash the endless queries as to her actual ethnicity…it only perpetuates it…OR it further proves my theory that vanessa grew up on sesame st. and father is a muppet. Plus 8. —miserable

Plus 1 for the twins being at the dinner but not being in the running for positions 1 or 2 as far as Minion Hierarchy goes. They’re visually equal so they’re doomed to be tied at 3rd tier —fabulous_nobody

Plus a million if they do a flashback show to flesh out “Did you think I’ve never kissed a guy before?” with Chuck! —sandals_are_not_shoes

Plus 50 for Serena as Rainman. Of course Nate would make himself the Tom Cruise in the movie in his head, and Serena the barely functioning idiot. —merriweather

• Is that minion wearing Blair’s dress from the first episode? Plus 1. —im_chuck_bass [Ed: We’re pretty sure it was a knockoff, which is even better.]

Plus 15 for the writers being as subtle as a NJ governor calling Olivia a “Hollywood heavyweight”. —hoveryjay

Plus 5 for Chuck knowing Blair always dreams of herself as Audrey —zola1439

• So Dan accepts (and actually seems to like???) the dumbest watch ever when Olivia gives it to him, but returns an actually nice watch to Serena when she tried to give him one in season one? Plus 10 for consistently showing that, despite how much money he has, Dan continues to be an idiot with terrible taste. —lizabeth77

• I’m going to wear black until Blair and Chuck get back together. I am in mourning. —misschristypoo

• Lily’s face upon getting her first homemade gift of her life, plus 3. —nagaem

• Bree randomly decided to tell Nate her random cousin’s poker tells? WTF Under what context would that ever happen in a real relationship? Only Serena would be dumb enough not to ever question that. Plus 1. —jnp1013

Faker Than Blair Not Having Called Vanessa Out on Her Gross Extensions Yet
• Blair hung out with Vanessa? And ate carbs? Minus 20!! Just because Chuck is mad at you doesn’t mean you should give up on life! —kdow3

Minus 10 for Blair not being more wierded out by Chuck’s man kissing confession, because didn’t her Dad leave her Mom for a male model in Season 1? She would obviously be more insecure about this new revelation. —Nurseluvbass

• I know Lily loves acquiring children, but in no way would she ever want to be Vanessa’s mother, no matter how much Rufus begged. Sorry, V. Minus 5. —suenue

• Although it’s no leap from character, why the hell did Serena bet all that money, her boyfriend, AND a political career on ONE PAIR OF KINGS?!?! Just wait for another hand you mush-mouthed dummy!! No points- just frustration. —new_blair

• Why is Nate carrying around a physical photo? We’re supposed to believe that the photo-shopped photo was originally taken on a film camera? Minus 2. —rinmerlin

• Why would Rufus and Lily be at the Freshman Toast if Dan was supposedly having dinner with Olivia elsewhere? Even Rufus asked Dan what he was doing there. Other than Dan, neither Rufus nor Lily is related (by blood!) to any students at the Toaster. Minus 10. Although, what if Rufus was secretly there to hear Vanessa’s toast? Plus 5 for season five —bejeweled

• Serena knows when and what an election is? I don’t think so. Minus 10. —fsuzann

• Where the hell are Eleanor and Cyrus?! If the parent toast was so important to Blair, she would have made them come… or at least brought Dorota. Minus 10. —headbandlove

• There is just no way in hell that Veggie Vanessa has a chicken recipe to share with Dan. Minus 3. —purpleandgreen

• ‘You know, cobalt’s my favorite color.’ Minus 10 for LYING. Everyone knows it’s brown. It’s the favorite color of all the Humphrey men. —fashionrat

• Serena goes to this poker game while NOT wearing a cleavage bearing dress? the one time it would have made sense for such a thing? Minus 20. —astorwaldorf

• At this rate they might as well use stock footage of Jenny standing around aimlessly in potato-sack-esque frock with accompanying vampire-lite makeup. She literally does nothing. Minus 4. —jacklynn7

• Don’t they know anything about real college on this show? That toast was on a Friday night, right? We’re supposed to believe these kids didn’t go to a party afterwards? Parents weekend is for tricking your mom and dad into playing flip cup with you and your friends. Minus 5. —anniehall27

• The pancakes were already made when Olivia and Dan showed up, where upon Rufus offered chocolate chips as a topping. No. Minus 5, because Rufus, of all people, would know that you put the chocolate chips in with the pancake as it’s cooking, so they get warm and gooey, like his outlook on life. —dignell

Gossip Girl Never Puts Her Fate in Someone Else’s Hands