the greatest show of our time

Gossip Girl Will Go From Zero to Crazy Before You Know It

This week, the characters on Gossip Girl came clean about some things: Scott admitted to Vanessa that he was Rufus and Lily’s son, which made his character seem markedly less creepy. Chuck and Blair admitted that they were behind a weird, Gaslight-y scheme to break Carter and Serena up, and we finally found out what happened in Santorini. But then just when it seemed that all was going to be all right in the world, things got more complicated: Scott reversed direction and, instead of coming clean, made his lie more elaborate. Nate’s new girlfriend Bree appeared with a Secret that, it seemed, would threaten the happiness between Carter and Serena. And, mysteriously, Cyrus Rose failed to appear even once.

Of course, you noted all this and more in the comments. Below, the best of this week’s, brought to you by Stiletto33!

Realer Than Scott Also Only Owning Plaid Shirts
Plus 2 for Nate obnoxiously kissing Bree in front of the photographers. Of course he would think something so tacky is actually a good idea. Poor simpleton. —timmyinboston

Plus 15 for everyone (finally) coming to the conclusion that there’s something weird about Scott, especially after he refers to Rufus as “one of the greats” because…really? —suspenders_not_belts

• Rufus asking Vanessa out to dinner after the auction? Plus 10pts for foreshadowing the inevitable late-night Vufus hook-up! (Does he still own the art gallery? Because I always thought it would happen there for some reason…) —nurseluvbass

Plus 10 for the Santorini mystery being uncovered as a lame afterthought that Serena has kept secret, less she tell the people that could actually help her, because every stupid non-thing that happens to Serena is her personal Apocalypse. It’s part of her continued charm. —merriweather

• “I’m going to get a coffee and let you guys continue to stare at each other.” Oh G. Sometimes your wit makes me forget you’re Satan. Plus 1 —iludythink

Plus 5 for Chuck obviously having seen the “Seinfeld” in which George is a genius until he has sex. —purpleandgreen

• Of course Vanessa would “decorate” her room with a lava lamp. Plus 2. —nicopop

• Everything about Georgina scares the hell out of me: her secret-filled hair, her post-Jesus camp trashy suburbanite wardrobe, her eight-year-old handwriting, the way her eyes light up whenever Dan talks to her. Two words: Halloween special. Plus666 —mplsgirl

Plus 10 for Blair FINALLY bringing attention to the fact that she too ran to Carter Baizen for denial sex. —kdow3

Plus 5 when the all-important Dan came to the conclusion that he must indeed have a stalker. —bejeweled

• Vanessa’s lame “tell me the truth right now” ultimatum to Scott reminded me of last season when she demanded the truth from Nate during the blackout. She so desperately wants to be in a relationship that she is willing to forgive prostitution and stalking within a matter of seconds. She gets this look on her face like “Give me literally anything that I can cling to justify forgiving you right now… and got it! Yes! Relationship back on!” —brigidmarie

Plus 5 for Blair stealing Chuck’s shoes. Very reminiscent of when Chuck did the same to Dan. —citylove831

Faker Than Chuck Turning Down Sex With Blair, or With Anyone for That Matter
• the humpreys replace chilli and monopoly with family gatherings at sotheby’s?? they are so nouveau riche….minus 65 —miserable

Minus 20 For Scott being able to enter the dorms without being a student. This doesn’t happen, especially at NYU. They check everybody’s student ID there and are super strict about it. Unless he’s walking in with another student who signs for him (and seriously, is he friends with anyone else other than the GG crew?) this can’t happen. —Haunt_fox

• I’m not getting on board with this bad boy turned smoulderingly hot good guy with a dark past thing. We’ve been there… it’s called Chuck Bass. There can’t be another. Sorry (Carter). —cbassluv

• And WHY did they have to go to Brooklyn to do the research, weren’t they near NYU where Vanessa has a computer? Minus 5 because I thought that we were done with the insane traveling on this show.. —rgh

Minus 5 For the way Serena was holding her auction photograph…just under her arm and like it was made of cardboard. They wouldn’t just give it to her, unwrapped like that right? But plus 2 because she’s Serena and she definitely wouldn’t have cared about how to hold it. —anniehall27

• Rufus met the adoptive parents of his son last season. I think I’d remember the face of someone who told me that the son I didn’t know I had DIED. Minus 10 —jourgy

• Chuck spoke to the assistant/coat check girl on the phone? No way an 18-year-old billionaire can get anything done without a secretary, and NO WAY does Chuck Bass not take the opportunity to hire himself an extremely hot secretary. Minus 5 —emilymylou

•”You know how much Daddy likes to hunt”. Is the Buckley family a clan of psychopathic cannibals? Minus 5. Bree probably seasons Nate when he’s asleep. —michele22

• That invitation to “la table elitaire” is all kinds of sloppy, blair would know better. blair would have no part in a “society” that doesn’t have a calligrapher Minus 2 —mademoisellez

Minus 2 for Vanessa going to an actual person to find out whether Scott was in that class since college has online registration and lookup (on blackboard or otherwise) nowadays to see who else is in your class for “discussion” purposes. Its a great stalking feature… —legallybored

• Nate planned to call up his friends and see what they were doing that night? Huh? Have they EVER just gotten together as a group for no reason at all but to hang out? I don’t THINK so! Minus 4. —alioop

• I also find it hard to believe that Blair, already at Sotheby’s, would return to her downtown dorm room to get ready to go BACK to Sotheby’s later that day when her own apartment, her best friend’s apartment, her boyfriend’s apartment, and Bergdorfs are right down the street. I’m sure she has similarly ugly floral cocktail dresses available to her at these locations too, why go back below 14th street to Georgina and a crappy shower when you clearly belong uptown? I certainly wouldn’t, but I also don’t have my own driver. —chloehannah

• what kind of internet search can you put in a first name, sport, and a mascot as generic as a lion and get a full page picture of the person you are looking for? Minus 5 —nagaem

• Doormen tell strangers where you went for the evening? Not a chance in hell. Minus 10 —vandymike04

Minus 25 for Scott being nowhere as crazy as I thought he would be. I was really looking forward to the episode where he kidnaps Dan and holds him for ransom in the loft while torturing Cedric. —twinsfindme

Gossip Girl Will Go From Zero to Crazy Before You Know It