Madonna No Longer Subscribing to the Tracy Anderson Method

Madonna has reportedly dropped trainer Tracy Anderson, she of the complex dance routines, either because Anderson was dating a member of Madge’s Malawi team or because Anderson wouldn’t stay on tour with Madonna or because Madonna’s arms looked like “gristle,” or simply because Anderson wanted to spend more time with her son. Rudy Giuliani doesn’t like his new seats behind the Yankees dugout, so he made a scene. Emmy Rossum and Adam Duritz are the most visually upsetting couple in some time, but Emmy doesn’t care. A man in a leopard-print suit harassed Donald Trump.

Penélope Cruz sported a large sapphire rock on her ring finger, which may or may not have been put there by Javier Bardem. Jessica Simpson does not appreciate false information being spread about her dead dog, and would like you all to respect the dead dog’s memory. Even though The Beautiful Life has been canceled, Mischa Barton will stay in New York, because when life closes a door it opens a window. Anderson Cooper rode his bike without a helmet.

Michael Bubleé has gotten over his breakup with Emily Blunt by hooking up with a 22-year-old Argentine actress from his music video. Jim Belushi jumped fully clothed into the pool at the Hearst Castle, because he’s a Belushi. Christina Hendricks got married. Matt Damon and Ben Affleck are distant cousins.

Claire and Hurley from Lost (Emile de Ravin and Jorge Garcia) ordered shots at Piano’s. British heiress Ghislaine Maxwell has been subpoenaed in the suits brought against Jeffrey Epstein. Metropolitan Opera GM Peter Gelb is under fire again for more rising costs, this time thanks to a finicky Finnish baritone. Prince Harry and Chelsy Davy went out to some London club called Beach Blanket Babylon, which apparently is the “surest sign yet” that the two are back together.

Madonna No Longer Subscribing to the Tracy Anderson Method