The bedroom community to the north has been ravaged by the financial crisis, according to news reports. Unemployed and scandalized hedge-fund managers have been forced to rent their homes and sell their jets. Rodents are scuttering about the streets, and a feeling of hopelessness pervades. Basically, it is like Detroit up there, but with fancier houses and lots more white people. And now, it seems, officials in Greenwich have taken the shocking measure of releasing 2,000 weevils into the city in order to stop an invasive weed from covering any more of the town. The weed is an plant called mile-a-minute vine, and it is known for smothering shrubs, trees, and hedges. Weevils are bugs — disgusting, creepy, tiny bugs.
“We had this big release ceremony,” said Karen Dixon, director of Greenwich Audubon. “It was hilarious. I didn’t know what I thought would happen. A parade? I guess I don’t know what I thought 2,000 insects would look like, but basically they were in a Tupperware container.
”Dixon said she also saw many holes in leaves and adult weevils mating. “They were very cozy,” she said. “They were with each other in the Biblical sense.”
Hilarious? And what, we’re making jokes, here? What is wrong with these people? Has relative poverty made them insane? Is Karen going to be laughing when these creatures having multiplied are crawling around on her face and in her cereal and shit? No. She’ll be SCREAMING. They should quarantine the whole place if you ask us. Just shut it down.