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Gossip Girl Is Impressed With Your Natural Talents

As we pointed out in our exhaustive recap on Tuesday, Gossip Girl followed its usual patterns this week — Jenny was a bitch, Blair plotted to take someone down, Serena was a slut, etc. Once again, you all applauded this week’s nineties cultural reference (we are all forever indebted to you, Cher Horowitz), and agreed that the rightful queen is obviously Eric. Most of you weren’t thrilled about the threesome’s combo of unsexy characters and unsexy scenes, but don’t worry, commenters — next week there are threesome flashbacks AND Lady Gaga! Here’s hoping Serena doesn’t take a cue from her nipple pasties. Anyway, on to your best comments, brought to you this week by excellently named commenter dorota4life.

Realer Than the Parents Television Council Getting All Worked Up Over Nothing
Plus 10 because threesomes always happen between people who you would prefer weren’t involved. —C_MCCANN

• Blair pairing up with Eric was like is like a gift from the writing gods sent directly to this forum. Plus 3. If only Dorota had been involved. —NEW_BLAIR

• Has anyone else remembered that Vanessa and Olivia are ROOMMATES?! Will their dorm become a hotbed of painful awkwardness–or a lingering lesbian lovefest?
Plus 10, for the suspense… MEEZBLAIR

Plus 1 because Tripp’s hair is getting progressively more swoop-ish and strange as his moral fiber crumbles. I predict that after his inevitable bedroom romp with Serena, Tripp wakes up rocking the Blagojevich helmet.HOOKEDONBASS

Plus 2 for when the Endless Nights (Knights?) fanboys skulked away defeated and one of them sarcastically muttered at Dan “NICE V-NECK.” …Because I said the same thing literally 10 seconds before that. COBAININACOMA

Plus 5 for Graham Collins being a new and improved Nate Archibald simply for the fact that he doesn’t open his mouth once the entire episode. CUNDELA

Plus 3 for there being a beer funnel at Dan’s party, and for his awkward, dorky dance that was FABULOUS. Oh Humphrey, we hardly knew ye. SUENUE

Plus 10 for Tripp to Serena “For some reason I trust you.” Tripp trusts her for two reasons, 1) He’s knows she’s not smart enough to get anything past him and 2) Her boobs. SOURCHERRY9

Plus 2 for the Parent’s Council who helped to advertise the show so successfully this last week. Too bad they didn’t bother to watch how absolutely non-scandalous it was AND that there will no doubt be lessons learned. KRISSNW704

Plus 10 for Jenny dissing the headband. But minus 10 for making me that upset over a headband. REMYLANE

• I might point out that now, not only has the unlikely Vanessa become the only girl to hook up with all three main guys, she is also, to the best of my knowledge, the only one to hook up with siblings - remember Scott? Plus 5, somehow. PURPLEANDGREEN

• Blair and Serena in the elevator. Plus 50. 10 for it being consistent with the canon, 10 for Bass’ orchestration of it and 30 for the show FINALLY acknowledging the subtext between B & S for what it really is. —THE_DEACON

Plus 3 for Serena’s line “all your dads love you” because Blair does have 3 fathers who love her (now please return Cyrus to the show!!) BLAIRGRACE

Plus 10 points for the guy working for Congressman Vanderbilt who always comes in during flirtatious moments between Serena and Tripp, because he totally knows what’s going to happen, and doesn’t want to get involved. KILLERFAB

• Was I the only one who thought that threesome was a Zoolander throwback? Their faces alone reminded me of the shots of Derek, Hansel, and Matilda after drinking their tea and considering their orgy. Plus only 2 because there was no mountain sherpa thrown into the threesome. MAGSTERS

Faker Than Eric and Jonathan Making and Understanding Star Wars References
• Why was Nate at Cotillion? Did he even offer an explanation? “Yep, just wanted to get dressed up in this white tux, use twelve bottles of gel and stare at underage girls that I have no real ties to get their names called. No big deal.” Minus 20, because the writers need to stop awkwardly cramming characters into scenes they have no obvious reason for being in. KDOW3

• Since when have Blair and Chuck been ‘Summer and Seth’? Stop calling him Bass. His name is Chuck. Minus 1. JTSTE1

Minus 10 for the fact that Olivia is getting hammered at that party and possibly doing a keg stand. No actor in their right mind (okay, maybe LiLo if she went to/could get into college) would get caught doing something like that. These days, there would be 100 cell-phone cam shots all over PerezHilton and TMZ the next day… JLB20

• Jenny has terrible posture, it’s the first thing Lily would have fixed for Cotillion. Minus 3. QTIPKIWIS

Minus 5 because one of the debutantes’ middle names is Cornelia - the same as Blair’s. Did the writers think we forgot S1E10, and just throw it in to recycle it as a generic old money Waspy name? BLAIR215

Minus 10 for the way Olivia exclaimed “Don’t do any mind altering substances without me!” Spoken like a true Disney dweeb. No wonder these 3 don’t have any other friends… NURSELUVBASS

Minus 2 for Jenny doing her own hair and makeup, unless what we saw was Jenny tarting up after Lily’s makeup artist left BREEBUCKLEY

Minus 5 for no Dorota…again. BASSWITHSASS

Minus 1,000,0000 for the “joe wilson has got nothing on blair waldorf” line…there is no way Serena has any idea who the South Carolina congressman is. Awful name drop. THEOLEBILLYBAROO

• Why does Olivia still have a normal phone? she would definitely have a blackberry…or some sort of smartphone at least. Minus 2. DOLLASIGNTEF

Minus 10 for Jenny being introduced late. What the hell is this? Make your own cotillion? No, this does NOT happen. There are introductions, there’s a nice waltz/other dance and then everyone dances. Do these writers do any research? —HAUNT_FOX

• So just a thought here. First the writers introduced Jonathan as Jonathan Henry. Now they suddenly tell us he’s Gertrude Vanderbilt Whitney’s great-grandson or something. I’ll let that slip. But if he really is one of Gertrude’s descendants, wouldn’t he count as well as a Vanderbilt? As far as I remember one of her sons even used Vanderbilt before the Whitney as a last name. And if he’s a Vanderbilt, why isn’t he invited to the fictional Vanderbilt’s affairs in this show? Is it because they are Van der Bilt? No points taken. MICHELE22

• Serena’s necklace is made of Christmas tinsel. Minus 5. —ANNIE_IN_NY

GG: “Jenny Humphrey went to the ball; Jenny Humphrey had a great fall.”
Him: “Jenny Humphrey looks like a skeleton.” PURPLEANDGREEN’S BOYFRIEND

• Lily and Rufus found their long-lost son… and have uttered nary a word about him since then. Minus 1,000. MANDORLA

Gossip Girl Is Impressed With Your Natural Talents