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If It Walks Like a Gossip Girl and Talks Like a Gossip Girl

Our beloved characters really grew up on this week’s Gossip Girl and, as usual, you had a lot to say about it. Everyone appreciated the classic Beverly Hills, 90210 reference, though we have a hard time believing Blair would sit at home watching SoapNet to learn that line. You were all delighted when the writers finally admitted that Serena can sometimes be mistaken for a call girl, and praised them for finding a way to get Little J to take off the raccoon makeup. Of course, the question remains — when will Blair be back on top (double entendre intended)? And where’s Wallace Shawn when you need him?

Realer Than Serena Being Mistaken for a Prostitute by a Genuine Call Girl
• Why is it that the only thing that I’ve ever seen Serena read are articles with pictures of herself? Plus 50.MISERABLE

• Olivia’s wearing plaid, playing Scrabble, and celebrating her one month anniversary with dinner on the floor. Plus 5 for settling into the Humphrey Lifestyle so well! FASHIONRAT

• “I thought I was working this party alone, did the agency send you over?” Common mistake, Plus 5.SOUTHERNCOMFORT

• Oh and the reason why Jenny is sick is because homegirl hasn’t eaten in two seasons. Plus 5. POLISHPIEROGI

Plus 20 for the homoerotic tension between Blair and Brandeis when they first meet. This harkens back to Blair’s summary of the NYU experience as consisting of “rereading Beloved and experimenting with lesbianism.” SNARKETTE

Plus 5 for Lily’s obvious exhaustion after playing 5 hours of scrabble with Rufus & co. She doesn’t spend that much time with her own kids, let alone someone else’s.

• Serena is going to be a congressman’s mistress, then wife. Plus 1500. Grandma CeCe will be so proud, and Lily will be so jealous. CACTUSFLOWERY

Plus 1 Dan is totally one of those douches who rushes off to find the Scrabble Dictionary just to prove he really is that smart. I know, because I too am one of those douches. JESSICHUCKA

• When S pushes B into the cake, B plants with her face only, managing to save all but a few strands of hair from becoming a sticky, icing mess. Plus 4. I’m pretty sure strategic cake falling is the sort of thing the young elite have to master before cotillion. SHARPIEPEN

• Of course Chuck knew Blair’s friend was a callgirl. He has a radar for these things, the same way Blair has a radar for expensive waitlisted bags. (I hear you can buy radar at Sharper Image.) Plus 10. LUCYV

Plus 2 – Jenny is so trendy to have H1N1 while its all the rage. MISSELISA

• After hearing about the debacle with Eric and Jonathan last episode, Lily finally did some parenting and banned Jenny from wearing that demon-powered eyeliner for a week, leaving her as weak as a kitten with it’s paw out. Plus 5. —THE_DEACON

• If it walks like a duck…” is one of the best lines from the original teen drama- Beverly Hills 90210. Plus 10 because of course Blair is closet 90210 fan, and has been waiting for a chance to use the line to accuse Serena of the same thing Brenda accused Kelly of: blonde sluttyness. CONSUELAKITKAT

Plus 6 for the fact that Rufus, Lily, Jenny, Erik, Dan, and Olivia were absent from the party. I was just waiting to see how the writers would make sure they were all there, but for once, I was pleasantly surprised. ALIOOP

Faker Than Serena Telling Anyone to Put Some Clothes on While Keeping a Straight Face
Minus 10 for Vanessa’s ridiculous ‘dream catcher’ followed by ‘elephant tusk’ gold hoop earrings. I was actually worried they might fall into the river and strangle a passing dolphin. DOCLUVSBASS

• After winning an election amongst scandal, why would Trip’s first move be to drink martinis with an 18 year old in a bar that as of three days ago didn’t have a liquor license? Minus 3.

• Why does Serena keep talking like she just had her wisdom teeth removed? STOP IT. Minus 5.

• If they wanted us to buy that plotline about Blair befriending an escort, maybe they shouldn’t have made her look like the manicurist in Legally Blonde. Minus 5. PETITEESTHETE

• Oh, and Serena voted? No, not even. There are far too many buttons involved. Although, there are stickers…so even. 


• Isn’t anyone in a high-brow, political inner circle of an incredibly established, blue-blood family worried about the grungy, Brooklyn street kid following everyone around with a camcorder? Minus 20

• Dan turned his shirt inside-out to hide his sweat stains? Is that one of the little-known, magical powers of plaid? DOLLYWOULD

• Van Der Bilt? Sounds like something from EuroTrip. It’s Vanderbilt. Check the mansion. Minus 1. JUSTCALLMEBLAIR

• Serena was “just discussing the Senate Committee on Appropriations.” NO. Minus 3. BRIDGEANDTUNNEL

• I also forget to give Olivia a minus 5 for her bedroom sheets. They are the awful kind of matchy-matchy sheets sold in a bag in Wal-Mart during the “Back to School” specials. Which would normally be a plus 5 for reality (I had something equally heinous) BUT no self-respecting Hollywood starlet would choose Wal-mart poly-blend over Egyptian cotton, no matter how “real” she was trying to be. COUNTRYMAEVE [Ed: To be fair, the sheets are sold at PB Teen]

Minus 100 for Vanessa still trying to be all self righteous. She schemes, she plots, she blackmails, she sells out her friends and she humps anyone that will give her the time of day. Enough. STILETTO33

• Isn’t this one month anniversary thing kind of out of control? It’s ONE MONTH people, and she was out of town for half of it. Minus 2. TROCK

Minus 15 for the unexplained absence of Dorata this entire episode, she would have clearly been there wiping the frosting off Mees Blair’s face and re-applying her Dior Mascara to her lashes. MSCHUCKBASS

• Show, when are you going to have Anderson Cooper make an appearance??? A family political event would have been the PERFECT venue for him to finally show up. Minus 100. Unless he shows up in next week’s 3-way ep, in which case plus 1 million. FROCKY

If It Walks Like a Gossip Girl and Talks Like a Gossip Girl