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Gossip Girl Really Doesn’t Need You to Take Care of Her

This episode wasn’t much of a holiday special (personally, we were hoping for a Hanukkah special featuring Cyrus), but it did tie up, and raise, a lot of interesting plot points. You guys were clearly trying to squeeze in as much Gossip Girl as you could before the hiatus,* because you made more than 500 (!) comments on this week’s recap. There were countless proclamations of love for Nate, and you all got turned on by angry, brooding Chuck. However, you had mixed feelings on “Empire State of Mind” and you really hated the Twilight/Beauty and the Beast wolves. Also, you all cried at the Blair and Chuck hospital scene. Suckers! (Just kidding. We teared up a little, too. We do get sappy under all the snark.) Anyway, on to your best comments, in a supersize edition to get you through the long, empty weeks ahead.

Realer Than Rich Wasps Calling a Country Mansion a Cottage
• Part of my Gossip Girl drinking game now includes drinking whenever Serena mumbles “I have to go”. Plus 5 bc I can count on that line alone to get me a good buzz. Thanks S! —blairwaldorf_mustpie

Plus 2 for Nate: “Yeah, I didn’t read it either.” Not that we needed the conformation, but it is another step forward for Nate’s character slowly becoming the lovable stoner side-kick that the writers should have had him being all these seasons. —im_chuck_bass

Plus 10 for all the political drama occurring upstate in some wooded area. Whenever I watch a movie with politicians making deals or someone getting killed, it always happens in some wooded area. Note to self, never go upstate with a politician. This applies even more so to traveling to Albany. —isgoodatmath

Plus 10 For Blair having a Brass door knocker on her dorm door. —surprisingly_awesome

Plus 5 for how Lily pronounces, “you’ve made our family your priority” like it’s some quaint custom she’s heard of but never personally experienced. —hookedonbass

Plus 25 for Rufus’ potential mistress being a Vanessa/Gabriela lookalike. —lizzo

• Of course Nate would be supportive of Dan dating his ex. First of all, it’s Vanessa, so it’s not like it’s any real prize. Secondly, Nate wants to do EXACTLY the same thing. Just because they’re brother and sister does not mean Dan and Serena’s history is forgotten. Plus 3 for Nate’s slick manipulation of the situation. —backwards_walk

• Lily and Serena are both involved in extramarital affairs at the same time? The apple really doesn’t fall far, plus 3. —southerncomfort

• Lilly’s first thing she said to Chuck when he got to the hospital after Bart’s accident was that Bart was going to die. First the mother of the year award, now the sensitive step Mother of the year award. Plus 5 for consistency! —nagaem

Plus 5 for the transition from headbands to hats. With a new regime comes new obnoxious headwear. —vanlan

Plus 5 because I’m pretty sure those were Chuck’s silk pajamas Blair was wearing the last half of this episode. —merriweather

• Nate can carry a plotline! Someone get that boy bar mitzvahed! Plus 20. —kdow3

Plus 100 for the possibility that Chuck’s mother has been alive all this time. The possibility that Bart Bass and Chuck’s mother were never divorced, meaning that Lily and Bart’s marriage wasn’t real. Meaning that Chuck’s mother could be entitled to the Bass fortune. Which could result in the van der Woodsen/Humphrey family needing to move back to the Brooklyn loft (even if it is just while they are house hunting). —chiyork

• In describing why Paul Hoffman is a generally desirable guy, Dan lists his being a sophomore as a positive trait coming before having a lot in common. Plus 10 because all college freshman think being a sophomore is a big deal. —ggspoonerism

• Blair SITS DOWN on the hospital floor with Chuck to comfort him. You know the ick factor crossed her mind. That’s true love, people. Plus 20. —blairisawesome

Plus 10. Of COURSE Lily forgot about the one-year anniversary of Bart’s death. She forgot about Bart’s death about 48 hours later, when she was planning to run away with Rufus. —iludythink

Plus 3 because D/V is shaping up to be the least sexy and awkward coupling ever, and I would expect nothing less. —anne7272

• For those wondering about why Chuck would bring his mother’s favorite flowers to lay on the grave of his father, I’m thinking it’s the next best thing. Because what on earth would Bart Bass’ favorite flowers be? If it was last year, Chuck would have brought him a bouquet of cash. And ghost!Bart would have LOVED it. —blaircorneliabass

Plus 5 for Rufus really accepting Serena into his family. Remember in 1.16, when he read Jenny’s e-mails? Now he’s reading Serena’s mail. It’s like she’s really his daughter. —cmn8

Minus 100 in anticipation of the Chuck’s Mother Is Alive storyline ending up as an elaborate hoax perpetrated by Jack Bass to gain control of Bass Industries. Unless its execution is fabulously dishy and Blair foils the plan in a equally elaborate manner, which plus 200. —lray

Faker Than Blair Living in Her Dorm Room When She Now Has a Penthouse to Herself
• Do elevators not spring back on this show when people put their hands/bodies in the middle of the doors? or are the girls just so freaking skinny that they don’t even register on the elevator censor. minus 1 point each time this happens (so far, at least 3) —like_shootin_fish_in_a_barrel

• When Serena wakes up in bed her hair looks better and more styled than it has in over a season and a half. I’m not sure if that’s a plus or minus. —lmcmlove

• This whole Chuck going crazy and seeing ghosts while pushing everyone away thing was poorly done. First of all, no one has a break down like that overnight without some dramatic event occurring first and Bart died last year, not last week. We would have seen signs earlier, subtle at first and then progressing to the point he’s at now. Minus 20. —jnp1013

• The appearance of Chuck’s mom, if that’s who she is, implies that Bart must have had another safe someplace, because if documentation exists (and it’s Bart, documentation definitely exists), it isn’t in the safe - Chuck’s been raiding it for years. What else could be in Bart’s secret stash?. —purpleandgreen

• I don’t care how much the Nassau County police like Tripp’s gramps. The car was registered in his name, there is a head-sized hole in the passenger side, and several well-connected people who will back up Serena’s story. Minus 5 now, minus 600 if Tripp actually does get away with this. —groundhog

• Ok, I know this is S and she loves to show off the girls, but when the heat was off and it was freezing she still managed to be wearing a sweater cut down to the navel and a necklace in between. Minus 5 because even the dynamic duo would be cold im sure. Sweater up Serena!!! —annie_in_ny

• But then another plus 5 to Rufus! Within MINUTES of reading about Lily’s possible infidelity he was hooking up with a fellow trophy wife! Looks like the Humphrey men DO have game!But then… the Humphrey men have game. WTF. NO. Have you SEEN their wardrobe? Minus 10. —cbassluv

• Also, why WHY would Maureen choose this moment to reveal the letter to Rufus? Serena would be completely out of the picture with Tripp except for the TINY ISSUE of him walking away from a huge car accident, moving an unconcious body and tampering with evidence, all of which Serena was the only witness to (aside from the wolves, but I dont think their testimony will hold up in court). She needs Serena on her side more than ever. Pissing her off by potentially ripping her family apart? Not wise, Ms. O. Minus 10. —cellardoor

• That Vanessa would let her friend Willa hook up with Dan, who she JUST HAD A THREESOME WITH LIKE TWO WEEKS AGO, without being weird about it?? No. Minus 10. —xoxogossipgirl

• Um, Trip’s hat? This isn’t Newsies and you’re not Christian Bale in 1992. Minus 5. —wannabewaldorf

• Park Avenue Autumn? This takes place after Thanksgiving. It’s Park Avenue Winter now. Minus 10. —chloemay

• Another minus 5 for the writers not taking advantage of Serena bumping her head against something other than a headboard. Horrible case of amnesia?! Better yet, 20 discovered IQ points?! The possibilities were endless really… —legallybecks

• I know it was crucial to the Chappaquiddick storyline, but really, Trip’s Range Rover doesn’t have AIRBAGS? Minus 5, and you know some Range Rover PR woman slapped her forehead with her palm after seeing that. —twoshakesofalamb

• And minus 5 because is Chuck’s long lost non-dead mother also Batman? I mean, it would explain what she’s been doing for the last few yrs. But really..all Chuck had to do was skip to catch up to her. —noeffinway


Minus 5 because why on earth were there open cuts on Serena’s face? There is no way they wouldn’t either be bandaged or already stitched up by an expert plastic surgeon flown in by Lily. —legallybored

• The characters on this show switch partners faster and more frequent than the original 90210. Plus 5 because yes, teens are much faster but minus 10 because no one seems to be weird that only 4 months ago you was banging the dude your bff is now with. At least Brenda had 2 screaming matches with Kelly. —misschristypoo

Mins 10 Because Nate would not have his cousin saved in his phone as ‘Trip van der Bilt’ he would have it under something like, ‘Cousin Trizzle’ or ‘T-Money’. —michimarie

*About that hiatus. It turns out it’s going to be a little longer than previously thought — the show actually won’t be back with new episodes until March 8. The good news is that from that point on, they’ll continuously run new episodes until the season finale. We’ll obviously keep you posted on any updates in the meantime. And if you want to do the recap of the recap when the Reality Index returns, let us know by e-mailing alexandra.martell[at], subject line I’M CHUCK BASS.

Earlier: Gossip Girl Is the Jackie and You Are the Marilyn

Gossip Girl Really Doesn’t Need You to Take Care of Her