Where in the World Is Tiger Woods?

Having recently given birth, Vera Farmiga used a butt double in Up in the Air. George Clooney admits that his role in the film as a permanent bachelor is fitting: “I’m not completely unaware of people’s perceptions of me.” Tiger Woods has been in hiding since Thanksgiving, but the Post rules out rumors that he’s staying with Arnold Palmer. X17 claims Woods has already checked into an Arizona rehab facility, and Entertainment Tonight reported that he was spotted with mistress Rachel Uchitel in Palm Beach. When asked if she’s seen him, Uchitel said, “No comment.” But “Page Six” says Uchitel’s camp might be fueling rumors for publicity, and Woods has likely been locked up by his friends, while his camp scouts for rehab facilities: “There is a plan for him to enter a clinic any day now.” For what, exactly? Oh, and happy 34th birthday, Tiger!

Ryan Gosling was dropped from The Lovely Bones two years ago, but now the movie, which cost $100 million to make, is getting critically panned and isn’t selling well. John Legend threw a 31st birthday party at Abe & Arthur’s and SL, and guests included Zach Braff, Lindsay Lohan, Kid Cudi, and Ryan Seacrest. Chris Noth is staying at Canyon Ranch in Massachusetts, where he’s spending New Year’s. “I just finished 10 miles of cross-country skiing in 10 degrees below zero. You’ve got to love the cold,” he said.

Michael Lohan’s former fiancée said Lohan beat her and once burned her with a cigarette. Lohan said she’s lying and, of course, he handled the situation the classy way, tweeting that his ex probably met her attorney at a bar and slept with him, “like she did to me and everyone else,” and soon people will hear of her “drug use and sex with family members.” Charlie Sheen’s wife, Brooke Mueller, attended her mother’s cocktail party in Aspen before hitting up the Caribou Club, where Paris Hilton hung out with Doug Reinhardt and Gerard Butler. Dr. Ruth chatted up Scott Sartiano at Butter.

A blind item says a rich Palm Beach faux-cialite asked her recently deceased friend’s family if they could reschedule the funeral because it conflicted with her game of canasta. The family declined, and the presumably octogenarian socialite went forward with her important canasta luncheon, skipping the memorial service. Ivana, is that you?

A former Tyra employee said Banks was “difficult to work for” and “could be extremely brutal.” Susan Sarandon was spotted sharing a late-night crêpe with Nutella and whipped cream at a West Village bakery with a “younger-looking fellow,” who apparently wasn’t rumored boyfriend Jonathan Bricklin. Maggie Gyllenhaal rides the 2 train from Brooklyn to Manhattan. Jude Law admits, “At a certain age, you figure out what works for you, and being a good boy never worked for me.”

Taylor Swift broke up with Taylor Lautner because “there was no chemistry.” Rosie O’Donnell was spotted, in pink Crocs, holding hands with a new ladyfriend in Miami. Katy Perry vacationed in India with Russell Brand, posing in front of the Taj Mahal for a photo. Kevin Jonas’s wedding album made the cover of People. And TMZ reports that an Alaska state trooper “nailed [Levi] Johnston” for speeding last October. Johnston was doing 63 in a 45.

Where in the World Is Tiger Woods?