As Gawker and Perez Hilton have reported (and we’ve confirmed with Playgirl), someone is offering what they say are dirty cell-phone pictures of Tiger Woods’s nether regions. They’re on offer to the male nudie mag for the outrageous sum of $500,000, a rep told us. We don’t know who is trying to sell the pics — though the original source is a woman — and now the magazine is in the awkward position of having to try to verify that what they’re looking at are actually the private parts of one of America’s most famously private celebrities. (Can we be one of the experts called in to testify, please?) But regardless of whether they’re real, we’re not even sure we want to see what’s inside Tiger’s pleated khakis. In fact, before this whole mess, we thought of him as sort of neutered. Can we please just go back to that era? Please?