En route to Ventnor, an island resort off the coast of England, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart posed for a picture with a fan outside a grocery store on New Year’s Eve. Shortly thereafter, the photo popped up on a blog and fans (unsuccessfully) scoured the island hunting for the happy couple. Jessica Szohr and Ed Westwick shared nachos at the Regal Union Square theater. Tila Tequila refused to open the door for Nicky Hilton and Bijou Philips, claiming the duo was coming to collect and put down Casey Johnson’s decrepit toy poodle. But they came in, took two of her dogs, her fur coats, and her insulin shots anyway. Paris Hilton proceeded to mourn Johnson’s death by woefully walking around Beverly Hills with her head down and her sunglasses on. And after accusing her former BFF of stealing her clothing-line sketches, Lindsay Lohan lost her ride home from St. Barts on their shared private jet, missed her US Airways connection, and had to high-tail it from Charlotte to NYC via Hertz rental car.
Chief of staff Rahm Emanuel is supposedly frustrated with lawmakers and might be making an exit soon, with Obama adviser Valerie Jarrett ready to take his place. Ann Coulter told Bill O’Reilly that if digital-imaging machines are installed in New York airports, “Pictures of our naked bodies will wind up on ‘Page Six.’” ‘Page Six,’ however, assures that this will not be the case. Good Morning America execs had to find a special chair for George Stephanopoulos so that his taller co-host, Robin Roberts, wouldn’t tower over him. Stephanopouls commented, “I would have been happy with phone books, but I’m glad they found a solution.” Lady Gaga apologized via Twitter to Chicago concertgoers who had to repurchase tickets to her concert after a change in venue. Robin Wright is getting over Sean Penn by frolicking around Zihuatenejo, Mexico, with a dark-haired man. And Malcolm Gladwell hung out with a “pretty brunette” at Red Cat in Chelsea.
Much to the relief of Jersey Shore fans everywhere, Vinny Guadagnino confirms that he and the original cast will be returning for a second season next summer. Twenty hours of hair-extension application later, Kate Gosselin has a socially acceptable new hairstyle. Liv Tyler is now a redhead. Miley Cyrus tells Bazaar that she’s a role model to young girls, not a parent, and sees nothing wrong with taking provocative photos and pole dancing on national television. Tyson Beckford chatted up a brunette at JetBlue’s JFK airport bar. Giorgio Armani quizzically examined the line stretching out of Abercrombie and Fitch on Fifth Avenue. Former Playgirl model and Tiger Woods flame Loredana Jolie has decided to take up golf. Gary Coleman suffered a seizure, but he’s okay now. Howard Stern’s sidekick, Artie Lange, attempted suicide by stabbing himself nine times, but surgeons managed to save him. Stern, meanwhile, replayed clips of Jennifer Aniston flirting with him in 1989.