Lady Gaga Too Traumatized to Perform in Color

Lady Gaga claims she is too traumatized by Alexander McQueen’s death to perform as planned at the Brit Awards. Instead, she’ll don a black leotard of mourning and sing only acoustic versions of her songs. Lindsay Lohan is supposedly banned from Jill Stuart’s runway show because they consider LiLo to be a “brand damager,” though we can’t imagine why. But some say the reason Lohan’s staying away from Fashion Week is to avoid run-ins with the Ronsons. Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel quelled reports that they’d split by attending a Valentine’s Day matinee of Swan Lake. Model Paulina Porizkova griped to the Huffington Post that she said a friendly hello to Anna Wintour in the bathroom of a recent amfAR benefit, and all Wintour gave her in return was “the slightest nod, one that may have been a twitch.” What did she expect, a bear hug?

André Balazs stumbled over some luggage at home and needed a cane to maneuver around Daphne Guinness, Chloë Sevigny, Jared Leto, and David LaChapelle at a Sunday-night dinner at Kenmare, the latest from Beatrice Inn alum Paul Sevigny (though he swears the locale isn’t the new Beatrice). Stephen Schwarzman celebrated his 63rd by having Grand Slam winners John McEnroe and Mats Wilander play tennis at his Palm Beach estate, raising funds for Haiti. Anderson Cooper is getting sued by his interior designer, who took a fall through a pole shaft in the firehouse Cooper is converting into his new home. Apparently she is “lucky to be alive.”

Heidi Montag “can’t wait to show off [her] new assets” in a second, full-body-bearing Playboy shoot, reporting that she loves her new chin but still wants to “improve” her breasts. Speaking of which, after John Mayer’s unfiltered Playboy interview, the X-rated Vivid Entertainment company offered him a job writing porn. Brangelina spent Valentine’s Day chatting at home with Sean Penn. Nicole Richie announced her engagement to Joel Madden, the father of her two children. Gossip Girl’s Matthew Settle and his model wife are calling it quits, and he’s been spotting wooing women at STK and SL. Mena Suvari’s newlywed husband threw her a surprise birthday party at Abe & Arthur’s, where Christian Siriano helped her blow out the candles. Avril Lavigne and Brody Jenner are “dating,” i.e. “they’re hooking up but they’re keeping it low-key.”

Bar Refaeli sported a gold ring on her left hand at the Berlin Film Festival, though the thin band appears too modest to signal an engagement with Leo. Matt Damon and Robert Downey Jr. double dated with their wives at Elio’s. Beth Ostrosky thinks Howard Stern would make a great Simon Cowell. James Cameron is writing an Avatar prequel novel. Vogue Photoshopped a scar from Tina Fey’s face on the cover of their March issue. We are shocked. And the Daily Mail is certain that the only reason Prince William dyed his hair black for the cover of Hello! was to hide his increasing baldness.

Lady Gaga Too Traumatized to Perform in Color