A life-size fiberglass cow originally created during the city’s CowParade art project in 2000 has vanished from Seth Low Intermediate School in Bensonhurst. The cow had been bought by the school and repainted in a peace motif by the students in 2006. Now it’s gone, people are reportedly crying, and everyone knows who to blame: terrorists. “I think it was terrorists, because they don’t like peace,” posits 11-year-old Niki Lam. That’s right, Niki — whether the culprit is an official member of Al Qaeda or simply a common prankster, he (probably a he) has, in fact, inflicted terror in the hearts of you children, and is therefore a terrorist. Or some kind of sex pervert with a faux-cow fetish. Once they waterboard him, we’ll find out the whole story.
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